Whole New World
by ashleyabrucker
Summary: "Anders wait!" I called out as I held my hands out, at the same moment, he threw another fireball that sent me flying back again. I shook my head as my head began to tingle and my mind began to feel hazy. OC story/Post Dragon Age 2/ Rated M for language and later chapters/Reviews welcome. changed Hawke into a female and rewrote first two chapters
1. Whole New World

I sat up quickly in shock and looked around at my strange surroundings. I had no idea what had happened to me, my insides burned as if they were on fire, I had no clue where I was or how I'd gotten there, my whole body was shaking like a leaf being blown in the wind, I was drenched in sweat, causing my clothes to cling to my skin in an unpleasant way, and there was a strange man beside me, a glowing blue light was emitting from his hands and transferring to me. This freaked me out, because I'd never seen anything like it before. He had darkened blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, his golden brown eyes were on his hands as though he was focusing on what he was doing to me, his face was covered with blonde stubbles that made him look rigidly handsome, except he was wearing some strange dress. Instinctively, I swatted his hands away from me and stood quickly.

"Who the fuck are you?" I demanded a bit rudely.

The man answered in an unsure voice, "I'm just trying to heal you."

"Who _are_ you?" I asked in a calmer tone.

"My name is Anders," the man replied as he stood, making me feel quite small. "You just fell out of a tare in the Fade."

"The...what?" I frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You just came out of the Fade-the dream realm-in your physical form," Anders said. "You were badly injured, but I healed you for the most part."

My stomach turned and I felt lightheaded. I was almost afraid to ask my question, "Is there something else that you're not telling me?"

Anders scratched his head, "You may have an unwanted... passenger inside of you."

My stomach turned again and my heart skipped a beat, causing my legs to go weak, "What do you mean?"

"He means a demon," a woman came up behind Anders. She had raven black hair that was short and unkept, she was fully outfitted in strange armor with a huge sword on her back, and she piercing blue eye. She turned her attention to Anders, "I know you have a way to tell if she does have a demon inside her."

Anders nodded, keeping his golden brown eyes on me, "This won't hurt much."

"What?" my eyes went wide. "Hurt mu-"

I was unable to get anything else out as I felt a painful zap that vibrated throughout my entire body all at once. Then, everything went black...

* * *

"She's an abomination," a deep, judging voice spat. "I say we put her out of her misery before we have another Justice situation on our hands."

"_Mercy_ is **completely** different than Justice, Fenris," Anders was close to me, very close. That was when I realized I was in someone's arms. "Mercy is the reason she's still herself. Mercy saved her in the Fade."

"It's true," the woman with piercing blue eyes said. "Mercy said demons can't possess a mage who is already possessed, and that the woman was very close to death by the time Mercy had found her."

"'Mercy' could be a demon trying to fool everyone," the judging voice stated aggressively, he must have been Fenris. "It's **best** to be safe than sorry."

"We're not going to harm her," Anders barked, I could feel arms around me tighten. "Hawke, _please_ talk some sense into Fenris."

"I agree with Anders," the woman with blue eyes said strictly, she must have been Hawke, "we're not going to hurt the woman-we know nothing about her, and it's very possible she's got less problems than Anders and Justice."

"It's not a good idea, Hawke," Fenris sounded cautious.

"I'll take full responsibility for her," Anders' hold on me tightened.

"**You**?" Fenris' voice was icy. "You can't even take responsibility for what happened in Kirkwall two years ago."

"That's enough!" Hawke barked.

I opened my eyes finally, just to see Anders, Hawke, and a tall, lanky, muscular man who had strange, light tattoos that vined from his face, to his arms, and only God knew where else, he wore strange black armor, he had ghostly white hair, dark forest green eyes, and strange pointed ears...like an elf. Anders was holding me protectively in his arms, even though he didn't even know my name.

Tears formed in my eyes as their discussion sunk in, "I'm possessed."

"Ah, welcome back," Hawke gave me a weak smile.

"I'm _possessed_..." it came out again, in a soft whisper. I was trying to process it still.

"You could say that, serah," Hawke sighed.

"'Serah'? My name is _Kimberly_," I frowned. "And why were you talking about mercy like it's a person?"

Hawke knelt down beside me, "Mercy is a spirit, not a demon, thankfully."

"What **exactly** were you doing in the Fade?" Fenris narrowed his beautiful forest green eyes at me.

My mind drew a blank, so I recalled what I could remember of my night aloud, "I went to a birthday party, went to the bar for a couple drinks afterwards, then I walked home, I passed out watching Family Guy, and then...then...I woke up here." I moved away from Anders and glared at him. "Why did you hurt me? That shit really hurt."

"It was the only way to tell if you were possessed or not," Anders shrugged. "It worked."

"Get it the **fuck** out of me," I ordered in a panicked voice, knowing I wasn't in any position to make any demands.

"That would be difficult," Hawke sighed.

"What's difficult about it? Can't you preform an exorcism?" I demanded.

"Exorcism?" Anders frowned, then he shook his head and said calmly, "You came through the Fade physically, so Mercy is also here physically. There's only one way we'd be able to get rid of that spirit of yours, and I'm sure you wouldn't like it."

"It _can_ be done, though?" I asked hopefully.

"We'd have to kill you," Fenris' gaze was cold.

"You don't have to panic, Mercy is only a spirit, not a demon," Hawke placed a hand on my shoulder.

My heart started to pound in my ears. I froze, only having heard the first part, "_You'd have to kill me_?"

"I can do it for you, if that's what you want," Fenris said, almost as if he enjoyed the thought.

"Fenris," Hawke's voice had a warning tone to it.

"I don't want to die," I breathed frantically.

"No one is going to kill you, Kimberly," Hawke glared over at Fenris. "Fenris was just offering his opinion, not that it was needed."

"Hawke, you found another stray," a very short man with smooth blonde hair, a very smooth shave, honey brown eyes, romance-style clothing that showed the golden curls on his chest, and a crossbow slung over his shoulder, asked as he came forward.

"Oooo, who _is_ this lovely creature, Hawke?" a woman with brown curls covered by a bandana, her shirt was low-cut, showing off her cleavage, she had two daggers on her back, her voice was sweet and seductive, her lip had a golden stud pierced through it, and her light brown eyes shined mischievously.

"I'm Kimberly," I frowned as I looked around at my surroundings. "Where am I?"

"In the Free Marches," Anders answered. "About two weeks away from being between Kirkwall and Starkhaven."

My heart pounded loudly inside my chest-I had no idea where any of those places were, I was possessed by some spirit that called itself "Mercy", I was surrounded by complete strangers, and I was about to go into shock. I prayed to God that all of this was only a dream, because there was no way _any_ of this could possibly be real. Hawke helped me to my feet and looked around at her companions who were joining us. That was when everyone was properly introduced.

The very short man was Varric, who happened to be a beardless dwarf, and the woman who was beside him was ex-pirate, Isabela. There was another two women: one who had pointed ears like Fenris, short black hair, strange tattoos on her face, olive green eyes, and she was about the same height as me-she went by Merrill; the other woman had ginger hair, light green eyes, she was fully armored with a sword and shield on her back, a red band was tied around her head, and she made me feel quite small as well-she went by Aveline. And then there was a man dressed similarly to Aveline who had dark brown hair and light brown eyes-it turned out he was Aveline's husband, Donnic.

Hawke looked at me for a long moment, then she flashed me a roguish grin, "Why don't you travel with us?"

Isabela leaned against Hawke and eyed me lustfully, "We get to keep her?"

"She's an untrained mage," Fenris frowned.

I couldn't help myself, I immediately busted out laughing, "Me? A mage? As in magic? Everyone knows that magic isn't real."

A loud crackling sound came from Anders, "It **is** real."

His eyes glowed a bright blue that made Fenris draw his sword that was bigger than I was, and made me feel as though I was overdosed on some kind of unknown drug. My mouth dropped open in disbelief, how was that even possible? "H-how are you doing that?"

"Magic," Anders replied in a deep, somewhat scary echo-like voice.

"He's an abomination," Fenris spat loathingly.

"Enough, the both of you!" Hawke growled.

Anders changed back to himself, "I can teach you how to use your magic-"

"Like we need another **you** running around here," Fenris snarled.

"She has to learn how to _properly_ control her powers," Anders argued.

"You'll manipulate her like-" Fenris started.

Hawke shook her head, "Anders is right. Kimberly needs someone to teach her how to use her powers. It's a dangerous time for apostates."

"What's that?" I asked.

"What's what?" Hawke frowned at me.

"An apostate," I raised an eyebrow at her.

"An apostate is an illegal mage, a mage outside of the Circle," Hawke had a look on her face that told me she thought I should have already known this.

That made me feel like a child asking questions, but I was completely confused, "What's the 'Circle'?"

"It's a prison for mages," Anders said coldly.

I noticed several of them were opening their mouths, so before anyone could argue anymore, I said, "I'll stick with you lot until I can find a way home." Then I muttered under my breath, "I feel like I landed in a fucked-up version of the 'Wizard of Oz'."

Anders gave me a strange look, like he heard what I'd said, and Hawke smiled at me, "As soon as we find who we're looking for and get back to Ferelden, I swear I will personally help you find a way home."

"Great," Anders said as the group began to move, "and don't listen to a word Fenris says. He dislikes all mages."

I looked over at the tall, brooding elf and frowned. Suddenly, before I could put any thought towards the elf, an arm was around my waist and Isabela was at my side, purring into my ear, "Are you part elf? Because you've got the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen."

I felt my face turn bright red, "N-no. Not that I-I know of."

Isabela laughed and looked over at Hawke, "She's so cute!"

"Kimberly's not a pet, Ravaini," Varric chuckled.

What the hell was I getting myself into? I could only hope I was still dreaming...

* * *

We stopped for a break, I'd already been with Hawke and his band of misfits for four days. And by misfits, I meant it. Aveline and Donnic once served in the Kirkwall City Guard before the civil war broke out, Merrill was a Dalish elf, exiled because her Keeper paid the price for her blood magic-I wasn't sure what any of that meant yet, Anders was a mage who was possessed by the Spirit of Justice, an ex-Grey Warden (whatever the fuck that was, I must ask Varric), and a fugitive because he had started the war, though details of how and why were left out, Isabela...was Isabela, Fenris was an ex-slave who hated magic more than anything else, and Varric...well he was a "beardless dwarf who enjoyed telling stories"-that's what he told me about himself. For the four days I'd been in Thedas, it felt as though Anders felt it was his _duty_ to look after me, which was actually quite nice and annoying at the same time. I was rubbing my feet, wishing that I could take a hot bath, when Anders came up to me, carrying a strange staff in his hands. He handed it to me.

"Are you ready to start training?" Anders asked.

I nodded, then grinned at him, "First, I have a question that I've been dying to ask you."

"What?" Anders frowned.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" it was a serious question that came out sounding more like an insult.

I heard Hawke and Varric both snort, Isabela and Merrill laughed openly, Aveline and Donnic chuckled, and I was sure I heard a deep chuckle and a cough to cover it up come from Fenris. Anders somehow managed to ignore them all as he answered my question, "I'm wearing robes."

"What's the difference?" my question only brought more laughter.

"Mages wear robes with enchantment runes on them," Anders shrugged. "Now come, I found a place for me to train you."

I followed Anders to a small clearing in the forest and frowned at him, "What are we doing?"

"I'm going to teach you a couple of spells, and then you're going to learn how to defend yourself."

That sounded easy enough, so for an hour or so, Anders taught me a simple fireball spell, a simple lightening bolt spell, and a shield spell. Once I got the hang of the three spells, I grinned at Anders, "This is pretty easy."

"Now hold the shield spell while I throw a fireball at you," Anders told me. "Since it's 'pretty easy', I'm sure you'll be able to do it."

I took a deep breath and watched as a clear bubble wrapped around me protectively. Unfortunately, Anders had a stronger fireball than my shield, and I was sent back flying with the blast from the fireball breaking through my shield. I stood and realized that I had already used up all of my mana.

"Anders wait!" I called out as I held my hands out, at the same moment, he threw another fireball that sent me flying back again. I shook my head as my head began to tingle and my mind began to feel hazy. I guess it was from the loss of mana, but I wasn't going to give up so easily. I realized that Anders wasn't going to give up anytime soon, and he definitely wasn't going easy on me. As soon as I got to my feet, Anders threw a bolt of lightening at me, which I somehow managed to dodge by losing my footing and falling to the ground.

"Protect yourself!" Anders ordered as he threw another bolt at me.

This time he hit me, I was blinded by the white hot pain that coursed through my entire body. As soon as I could see again, the haziness blurred my vision until I couldn't see any longer. I felt something lift me up from within, a huge amount of energy escaped from my very core, and a loud, echo-like voice came from me, "ENOUGH!"

Then I could see again, I was completely myself, and my heart was racing like I'd been running for my life. Anders was trying to catch his breath, but he looked calm as he said, "We'll work on your control over that spirit of yours next time."

"Do you have Justice under control?" I asked.

"I've-I've been working on it," Anders sighed.

"How long have you been working to control him?" I placed my hands on my hips.

"The last two years," Anders huffed out, still trying to catch his breath.

"And how long has he been inside of you?" I pressed.

"About eight years now," He answered like it wasn't very important.

"And who has the most control?" I continued to press.

"I-" Anders shook his head and walked away, it was clear that the discussion was over and done with.

I frowned and watched as Anders disappeared into the trees. Was it because Justice was more in control than Anders was? I couldn't help but wonder.

* * *

I knew that I was slowing down everyone around me, but not one of them let me know if it bothered them. For the last week days, every time we took a break, Anders had me train with him go I could "get better control over Mercy" and I was already warn out from it all. It had been eleven days since I arrived in Thedas and I already missed my world. At least there, we have cars to get around. On the brightside, I've always wanted to be in the medieval ages, so I guessed I got my wish. I was convinced that I was in a coma, it was the only logical explanation to why I wasn't waking-either that, or all of this was _truly_ real, and I was stuck in Thedas until I could find a way home. Back to normal. The only thing was, I was afraid that if I spent too much time in this world, everything here would become normal to me. Either way, I couldn't wait to be home again. That was if my clumsiness didn't kill me first. I'd already fallen several times by tripping over rocks, twigs, and my own feet. It was getting to the point that I wanted to scream and throw a fit like a small child over it. Given the fact that my legs felt like jelly from training with Anders, it didn't surprise me when I lost my footing again and started to fall to the ground. I closed my eyes and readied myself for the impact, but an armored hand grabbed my arm in a tight grip and pulled me back to my feet.

"You need to watch where you're going," Fenris' deep voice purred into my ear, causing a shiver to go down my spine.

"That's why I _look_ down while I walk," came my truthful answer. I thought I saw a small smile pull at his lips for just a split second, but it could have been my eyes playing a trick on me. I was quite surprised that Fenris was talking to me-in the short time I'd been with them, he acted as though I didn't exist, and suddenly he was saving me from a fall. As I looked down at the ground, I noticed for the first time that Fenris' feet were bare, the vine-like tattoo was even there, and I let my surprise show, "Doesn't that bother your feet?"

Fenris looked down and shook his head, "I'm completely fine. It doesn't bother me a bit."

"She was referring to your tattoos, Broody," Varric chuckled as he passed us.

I actually hadn't been wondering about the light, vine-like markings that seemed to cover his entire body, but now I couldn't help but wonder. I looked at him thoughtfully and Fenris sighed, "Once in a while they bother me, but I got used to it."

"How did you-" I started.

"Kimberly," Anders stepped beside me, "Let's leave Fenris alone. He's touchy about his _tattoos_."

Fenris glared at Anders in a way that told me the mage was wrong, but I didn't want to instigate a fight between anyone. I turned away from Fenris and walked beside Anders. I figured if I wanted any answers, I'd have to talk to Varric, but that was one of the dwarf's many talents. Anders remained close while we walked through the forest. It was almost as if he didn't want me to talk to Fenris, but I was pretty sure that was just in my head. There was no reason that I could see for Anders to keep me from talking to one of my new companions. I shook my head and looked over at Isabela, who blew a kiss in my direction and winked at me. Immediately, I could hear her voice purring into my ear with the words she'd said the night before, "Don't bother with these boys, sweet thing, I'll show you a **way **better time than any of them could...you, me, and...Hawke." I felt my face turn bright red at the thought and I looked away from the pirate rouge who wasn't even the slightest bit shy.

Anders took one look at my face and shook his head in a disapproving way, "Ignore Isabela's advances." He said quietly to me, "You have no idea where she's been."

"How would you know where she's been, _Anders_?" I asked just as quietly. I couldn't help but smirk at the mage.

"I am a **healer**, Kimberly, and Isabela has a thing for brothels," Anders sighed.

"Men like brothels too," I pointed out.

"Not as much as Isabela does," Anders steadied me when I tripped over a root sticking out of the ground.

"And you've never been to a brothel before?" I frowned at him. Given the fact that I was in a world with kings, magic, dragons, castles, knights, elves, dwarves, and only God knew what else. It would have surprised me if Anders hadn't gone to a brothel.

"Not in many, _many_ years," Anders looked away from me, like he was now embarrassed. "Just think before you get with someone like her."

"You sound like you're being over protective of me, Anders," I laughed.

"I'm not," he brushed a hand through his blonde hair. "All I'm doing is looking out for you."

"You don't have to do that," I sighed.

"Yes, I do," Anders' voice was firm and full of authority. "No one else is going to look after you."

"You're acting like you're my father or-" I tripped over my feet again, but quickly regained my balance. My face flushed, "Fuck!"

Hawke stopped and looked back at me, "Would you like to stop, Kimberly?"

I nodded, hating the fact that I was slowing everyone down, and I felt as though I was a burden for Hawke and her friends. It was definitely a feeling I hated to have.

I was staring up at the stars, trying to find constellations that I knew, but they were nowhere in sight. None the less, I'd never seen so many stars in my entire life, and the view was absolutely breathtaking. It felt wonderful to be relaxing without Anders wanting me to train It was the first time in ten days that I got a break-a real break-after setting up camp. I was beside Aveline and Donnic, who both were studying me intently. Finally, I looked over at the couple and frowned, "What?"

"You had no idea that you were a mage before we met you?" Aveline asked.

I shook my head, "Where I'm from magic only exists in stories. It's not real."

"That must be nice," Fenris' deep voice came from across the fire, startling me. I didn't realize he was paying attention to what was going on with our conversation at all. "You didn't have to worry about demonic possession."

"Oh, I believe that demons torment people in my world, and that many have been possessed," I sighed. "Only where I'm from, you can't see the demons with the naked eye."

"And were you close with your family?" Aveline pressed.

"Very," I nodded. "There's not a person in my family I can't talk to."

"If there was anything you could do at this very moment," Donnic said thoughtfully. "What would it be?"

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling everyone's eyes right on me then. There was only one thing that I wanted to do-even though Hawke, Isabela, Anders, Merrill, Fenris, Varric, Aveline, and Donnic made me feel welcome. I frowned and sighed, "I want to go home."

"Perhaps one day we can figure out how to get you there," Anders offered.

"I'd like that," I took a deep breath and looked back up at the sky. "God, I wish the stars came out like this back home. There's _so_ many of them."

Several hours later, almost everyone was asleep except for Hawke, Varric, Fenris, and Anders. Varric moved to my side with a grin on his face as he said quietly, "Anders, Fenris, and Isabela have all taken a liking to you."

"Anders and Fenris?" I snorted doubtfully. "Fenris barely looks at me, and Anders is just looking after me."

"I've been friends with both long enough to know how they act," Varric pointed out.

"And have either of them ever been interested in a woman?" I asked.

"Well...no..." Varric sighed.

"Point proven," I smirked.

Varric grinned at me, "We'll drop this for now. I imagine you have tons of questions."

"Actually, I do," I smiled back at the dwarf.

"Feel free to ask away, but in return, I want a story," Varric's grin grew.

"Deal," I looked over at Anders and lowered my voice. "What happened in Kirkwall two years ago?"

"With Blonde?" Varric followed my gaze. "When I first met Anders, all he cared about was the mages and their freedom, but he was very fun to be around, he'd hang out in the tavern and he knew how to have a good time. The Templars started treating the mages worse, and because of Anders' anger, Justice gained more control and Anders... his 'cause' became his focus, until he started a revolution by blowing up the Kirkwall Chantry."

"The Chantry...that's like a church, right? A place of worship to God...or the 'Maker'?" I frowned.

"Right," Varric nodded.

"Why?" I breathed out in shock. "That doesn't sound like Anders."

"It was Justice, and Hawke saw that. She knew Anders, he was her friend, but Justice only ever saw Hawke as a distraction from their main goal. Liberate _all_ mages. Justice saw it as the only way," Varric sighed. "In letting Anders live, Hawke lost a friend...I lost a friend."

"Who?" I asked.

"Sebastian Vael," Hawke answered before Varric could. "He's been King of Starkhaven for the last two years."

"He's sent the Crows after us, mercenaries, just to kill one person. Anders," Varric sighed.

"Why?" I pressed.

"Because someone Sebastian cared for deeply was in the Chantry when it was destroyed," Hawke frowned. "I'd rather we not talk about that right now."

"Do you know how-" I started and looked over at Fenris, who was on the other side of the camp.

"-Fenris got his tattoo?" Varric finished for me. I nodded and Varric explained gently, "Those tattoos were branded into his flesh by his ex-master, and are the stem of his hatred for mages. He was owned by a slaver who treated him like an animal."

"Was his master a mage?" I asked.

"He was," Varric nodded. "I think we'll save the questions and story for tomorrow. It's getting late, and you need your sleep."

* * *

I'd been in Thedas for three weeks, and for the last three days, Anders had been getting on my nerves, to the point where I was tempted to kick him in his family jewels. To prove my point that I was done for the day, I sat on the ground and let out a long sigh, allowing my skin to soak up the sun.

"What are you doing?" Anders demanded. "Get back up."

"No, I'm done," I stated stubbornly.

"I'm not _playing_ around, Kimberly," Anders barked.

"I'm not either, _Anders_," I glared at him. "I'm tired and can't think straight."

"Templars wouldn't care," Anders tried to point out.

"Fuck off, dude," I yawned. "I'm exhausted and can barely walk."

I heard a crackle and knew that Justice had emerged, which caused me to jump to my feet. There was no way Anders' angry spirit was going to catch me not ready to defend myself.

"If you want to die, so be it," Justice's voice boomed, I felt the hazy feeling of Mercy trying to come out, which caused me to get dizzy.

"Anders, I'm sorry," I breathed out. "You're right."

But Anders didn't come back, like I had hoped he would, instead, Justice was the one teaching me, and I had no chance against the angry spirit. Not even while training. To Justice, everything was for real-that's what Varric had told me anyways, and I knew all I could do was pray to God that my shield was strong enough to block most of his blows. I was **fucked**.

* * *

I'd in Thedas for twenty-three days now, I still found it difficult to sleep. Which was how I found myself awake before dawn. Whoever was on watch was gone, probably taking a piss, so I took the opportunity to make myself scarce. I wanted to see something I hadn't seen in a long time, and I wondered if it looked like anything in my world. There was a cliff near the camp, which I stood close to, though I didn't get anywhere near the ledge. Even in the dark, I could tell that the treetops were bright green, making me wonder what color of green they'd be with the light of dawn. It was so beautiful, just in the darkness alone.

"Couldn't sleep?" Fenris' voice came from behind me.

I jumped and whirled around so I could face the tall elf. I put my hand on my chest, to slow down my heart, "What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Fenris drawled out. There was something in the warrior's gaze that I didn't trust.

"I want to see the sunrise on the treetops," I looked back across the valley.

"It's not as neat as you'd think," Fenris stated.

"Have you seen the sunrise from this very spot?" I turned around to face him again. "Have you ever stopped to _enjoy_ a sunrise or sunset?"

Something flickered in Fenris' forest green eyes, "No."

I grinned and turned back to face the valley below. _Why is he even here? He hates all mages, both Anders and Merrill have told me that repeatedly_, I thought. If he was talking to me, I had a feeling it was because he wanted something from me. Why else would he be talking to me? Because I wasn't born a mage? I shook my head, took a deep breath, and continued to wait for the sunrise. I didn't feel so comfortable with Fenris behind me, something told me that he was very much the wolf his name said he was. Besides, I didn't do good with paranoia, so I searched my mind for something to day, just so it wasn't so awkward, "So are you staying to watch the sunrise?"

"Yes," was the response I got. The first rays of light strained through the trees, slowly rising. When the rising sun finally hit the trees, the forest canopy seemed to light up brighter than ever. I was in awe of the beauty of it all, and as much as I missed my home, I wouldn't want to miss seeing this for anything. "I'd swear you were an elf in this light," Fenris' voice was quiet, but loud enough for me to hear.

I ignored him and focused on the scene before my very eyes. _I really wish I had my camera. No one back home would believe this shit_, I thought to myself before sighing, "I can't believe how much beauty is in this world." I was talking more to myself than I was to Fenris, "I wonder if my world looked like this once..."

"There's nothing like this where you're from?" Fenris asked.

"My home...my world, is dying slowly," I looked back at the elf. "There's beauty in it still, but all the wars and technology have been killing the planet. So you should really stop an appreciate the beauty around you sometime."

With that, before the brooding elf could say anything, I walked pat him and back to camp, know that it'd soon be breakfast time, training with Anders-if he wasn't too hungover from drinking with Varric the night before, then walking until dusk.

My body was drenched in sweat, my new robes from Hawke clung uncomfortably to my body, I was leaning against my staff, trying to catch my breath while fighting against the tingling and the haziness that meant Mercy was trying to come out. Anders wasn't backing down, and I had a feeling that if I didn't defend myself, he was still going to keep it up.

"DEFEND YOURSELF!" Anders ordered me.

I glared at the stubborn fool and readied myself for his next attack. As he threw a lightening bolt at me, I felt the sudden burst of energy that blinded me and sucked me in...

I was choking for air, it wasn't Anders that had his hands around my throat, but Justice. His fingers burned into my throat as his glowing blue eyes pierced mine, then the eerie echo-voice came from him, "NO MORE GAMES!"

He threw me to the ground, I grabbed my throat and backed away from my mentor. I didn't want to become like him, not if that meant losing complete control, like I'd already done so many times before. I wanted to learn how to control my spirit...if that was even possible, "We're done for the day."

"Kimberly..." Anders' voice breathed from behind me. "Maker, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"I know," I said calmly. "I can tell the difference between you and Justice...I'll see you later."

"Let me heal those wounds," Anders grabbed my hand and whirled me around.

I didn't look at Anders as he healed me, my question I'd asked weeks ago "who has more control" had been answered. Justice was the one in charge. Once Anders finished healing me, I went straight back to camp and settled in beside Varric by the fire. I couldn't stay mad at Anders forever, not because he was my mentor, but because he was my _friend_. It didn't matter that I'd only known him for twenty-seven days, I knew I could trust him. Though the people I respected the most were Aveline, Varric, Hawke, and Fenris-though he didn't know it.

"You look exhausted," Varric stated once I got comfortable.

"It's been a long day," I sighed.

"Then go to sleep," Varric chuckled.

"I know a way to _relax_ you, sweet thing," Isabela grinned at me. "I'm sure Hawke wouldn't mind if we had some..._girlly_ fun. Shit, she might join us."

"I'm good, Isabela," I blushed.

"I'll talk you into it some day," Isabela winked at me. "And that's why I won't give up."

"She doesn't give up either," Varric smirked. "So, if you don't want to end up in Isabela's bed, I wouldn't drink with her if I were you."

"Shhh, Varric, don't ruin my fun," Isabela pouted. "If I can't have my fun, I'll get bored."

"And Maker forbid that should happen," Varric chuckled. Then he looked at me, "Don't listen to me, I'm just a beardless dwarf who tells stories."

I couldn't help but laugh as I stared into the fire. These guys had no idea how homesick they made me.


	2. Another Path

I was tired, I'd been in Thedas for a month, and for twenty-seven days straight I'd trained with Anders everyday, and many times Justice had emerged when Anders became too impatient with me. I was already getting better at keeping Mercy at bay while Anders and I trained. Though I could feel her trying to come out whenever Justice did. I didn't know what sex Mercy was, or _if_ she even had one, so I figured-by the name-that she's a girl.

"Come with me," Fenris said to me as he walked by, pulling me from my thoughts. Thanks to Varric telling me what Fenris had gone through, I couldn't help but feel a respect for Fenris. He had gone out of his way to protect mages even though he hated magic when Anders started the mage revolution. And due to his loyalty to Hawke, he had also lost Sebastian Vael as a friend. It had been four days since he'd spoken to me, so I curiously followed the elf to a clearing, where he handed me a great sword slightly smaller than his, "Take this."

I took the sword from him and fell over from the weight of it, "It's _too_ heavy."

"Lift the sword," Fenris said in an authoritive voice.

It took every ounce of my strength to do as he instructed. I frowned at him, "What's the point of this?"

"You're going to learn how to fight," Fenris' voice was calm. "Without magic."

"But I'm a **mage**," I let the tip of the sword rest on the ground.

"As you were told before, it's a dangerous time for apostates," Fenris stated. "Lift the sword."

I let out a breath and lifted the sword again. I could feel my arms burning from straining my arms in a way that was unfamiliar to me. The thought of being able to do both magic and fight with a sword was intriguing and appealing to me, and by doing as Fenris commanded, I let him know that he had a willing student. I saw Varric watching me from the corner of my eye, which caused me to lose my balance several times.

"You need to balance yourself better," Fenris said patiently. "Find your center balance."

"Have you _seen_ me?" I frowned. "I can't even walk a mile without falling over at least five times."

I swore that I saw a twinkle enter Fenris' forest green eyes and a small smile quirked on his face for a split second. He sounded amused, "That's why we're working on your balance right now, Kimberly. Do you want to learn how to fight?"

"She **should** be focusing on her magic," Anders said suddenly from behind me, causing me to jump and drop the sword.

"There's no reason Kimberly can't learn different things," Hawke grinned from beside Varric. "I think I should have taught Bethany how to use a weapon...then she'd probably..."

I saw pain enter Hawke's eyes at the thought of her younger sister, who had died a year after her brother, Varric told me about Bethany Hawke-she always saw the good in life, even when others couldn't. Both Varric and Hawke blamed themselves for Bethany's death which happened many years ago.

"I _want_ to learn," I told Anders, who was glaring at Fenris. "I feel quite foolish though, I can barely hold the sword."

"It's too big for you," Anders said, clearly aggravated.

"You'll get stronger," Aveline smiled at me encouragingly. "It's _your_ choice, and we all will support that choice. I'm sure some of us can teach you a few things as well."

"I'd like that," I couldn't help but smile back at Aveline, knowing that Anders didn't approve one bit.

"Well, let's work on your balance then," Fenris said.

"I don't think this is wise," Anders shook his head and walked away.

I made a move to follow, but Fenris stopped me, "Lift your sword."

Fenris continued to do this until I had no strength whatsoever left in me. My arms were weak and I could barely move, so I sat on the ground where I'd been training. I prayed that we wouldn't travel until later tomorrow, because I desperately needed to rest.

* * *

"Kimberly, get up," Anders was clearly still mad with me over the choice I'd made the day before.

"Jesus, Anders," I glared up at him. "I'm warn out, can't we train tomorrow?"

"You have to learn how to defend yourself," Anders barked angrily.

"Leave her alone, Anders," Hawke frowned. "Kimberly can have one day of rest."

"If we were attacked by Templars, she wouldn't be able to defend herself properly," Anders turned his golden brown eyes back to Hawke. "She needs to train harder."

"Back off, Anders," Hawke growled.

I shook my head, "No, he's right."

"You're going to make yourself sick, Kim," Hawke frowned at me.

"If I get sick, Anders can always heal me, right?" I faced my mentor. "So what are we doing today?"

"The same thing we've been doing all month," Anders sighed as he walked behind me. "I want you to fully defend yourself. You do that, and after that, I'll leave you alone for a week."

"You won't even talk to me?" I frowned.

"What?" Anders froze. "Is that what you want?"

"No, I just want you to relax when it comes to my training," I told him. "You let Justice completely take over, when I'm supposed to be learning how to keep control of Mercy."

Anders opened his mouth like he wanted to argue, but in that same instant, he shut his lips together. He must have seen that I was right and got my point. He took me to the same clearing I'd practiced with Fenris, and without any warning, he threw a bolt of lightening at me. Before I knew I had done it, I threw up a magical shield, and I watched as electricity spread across it. I glared at Anders, dropped the shield, and I threw a fireball at him, knocking him down to the ground. Before he could recover, I threw another fireball, followed by a lightening bolt, doing to him as he had done to me.

"That's enough," Anders breathed out after he got over the shock of the lightening bolt. I was half afraid he was making me drop my guard, but I forced myself to relax. I should have listened to my instinct not to drop my guard, because Anders sent a wave of ice in my direction, "Don't ever drop your guard, especially if you don't feel safe."

I stumbled back, he was forcing me to waste all of my mana, but I wasn't going to give up. He wasn't going to let me rest until I properly defended myself. I put up another shield and waited for my mana to replenish while Anders threw spells at me, trying to bring down my shield. I took a deep breath, dropped the shield, and I threw several fireballs, followed by two lightening bolts at Anders. I was fully determined to show my mentor that I could defend myself-even if I was completely exhausted. I moved quickly, dodging the fireball he threw at me, and I zapped him with another bolt of lightening. We continued this dance for over thirty minutes, until Anders finally put his guard back down, and I sent him flying back with a mind-blast. As he stood, I put my shield back up again, expecting for him to attack.

Anders didn't say anything as he turned around and walked away. It took me a while to realize that our lesson was over, so I stood there with the shield up, somewhat afraid that he was going to do a sneak attack on me just to teach me a lesson. I had a feeling that Anders wasn't very happy with me, and as I replayed the session in my head, I realized that my balance had seemed to improve since my training with Fenris the day before. That was when I felt something I hadn't felt in a while. Pride.

_Very good_, an echo-like voice said from close by. So close that it sounded like it was in my head.

I whirled around, but no one was even there, "Who's there? Show yourself!"

_I cannot_, _Kimberly_, the voice stated.

I froze, "Mercy?"

_Good, you can hear me_, the voice sounded relieved. _I've been trying to communicate with you without taking over your body again_.

"What do you want from me?" I asked.

_Nothing_, was Mercy's reply. _I just wanted to help you. I see a lot of mercy and understanding inside you. We are one, so we must get accustomed to this world._

"So..." I frowned, "I'm technically talking to myself."

_You could say that_, Mercy said.

"And **how** are you helping me?" I looked around, knowing that I looked completely nuts just talking to myself.

_I kept you alive in the Fade_, Mercy stated. _I gave you the power to stop Anders during that attack last month..._

"You took over my body completely," I argued.

_And for that, I am truly sorry_, Mercy sounded sincere. _I had no way to communicate with you, and I've been trying since my last slip._

"Then how are you talking to me now?" I leaned against a tree, ready to let myself relax.

_We share the same mind, and you finally opened yourself enough for me to communicate with you_, Mercy said. _I'm willing to stay hidden if it keeps us from becoming like Anders and Justice._

* * *

For the last six days, I'd been concentrating on communicating with Mercy with only my thoughts. I found a small clearing near a stream and looked into the water, so I could speak to Mercy out loud, it was hard speaking to her in my mind.

"Do you know of a way for me to get home?" I asked.

_I'm not sure_, Mercy stated.

"Will you help me if I find a way?"

_Of course_.

I was about to say something else, but I saw Fenris frowning at me through the reflection of the stream. My heart skipped a beat. How long had he been behind me? Had he heard my one-sided conversation with Mercy? Did he think that I was going insane? I prayed to God that the elf didn't judge me the way he did Anders. I didn't want to be an abomination in anyone's eyes.

"Who are you talking to?" Fenris asked me once I turned to face him.

I shifted uncomfortably, trying to think up an excuse, but something told me to just be honest with him. I looked at the ground as I answered, "Mercy."

"I...see," Fenris moved closer to me, reminding me of a wolf stalking it's prey. "What does the spirit want from you?"

"Mercy wants to make sure we don't end up like Anders," I looked up into Fenris' forest green eyes, "and she found a way to communicate with me so she won't completely take over. She doesn't want to play demon."

"She?" Fenris looked away from me and cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you'd like to train with me."

I studied the warrior for a moment, unable to understand why he wanted to help me when he had a clear hatred for possessed mages. Yet he didn't really seem to mind that I was a mage...a possessed mage at that. It was sad, but I wanted the approval of the broody elf. I didn't want him to hate me like he hated Anders.

"I-" I started.

"If you don't want to, I'll understand," Fenris kept his eyes locked on mine.

"I want to train," I said quickly, before he could turn away from me. "And my balance is already better thanks to you."

Fenris nodded and handed me the same Great Sword from before, "Today I want you to block my blows."

My eyes widened, and before I could argue, Fenris swung his sword at me. I lifted the Great Sword just in time to stop the blade. He swung again, it was clear he was going easy on me, even though this time the tip of the blade ran along my cheek, cutting open the flesh and causing my face to burn with pain. I would have thought that he'd let up after drawing blood, but Fenris wasn't that kind of teacher. I already knew he expected me to learn from the pain, and he also wanted me to keep from using magic while using a weapon. I managed to block several more of his blows before he knocked me flat on my back, and he held the blade to my throat.

"Dodge the blows if you run out of energy," Fenris' deep voice was strict. "In a real fight, you would be dead."

He lowered his Great Sword and held his hand out. I reluctantly took his hand and touched his shoulder as I tried to regain my balance. He touched my face where his sword had cut through the skin with his armored hand. I cringed away from the pain, "Ouch! Fuck!"

Fenris frowned, "We'll stop for the day. Go have Anders take a look at that."

I nodded, knowing that if my face didn't hurt so much, it would have turned bright red when I realized my hand was still on Fenris' shoulder. I pulled away from the elf and quickly made my back to camp, leaving Fenris behind in the clearing. As soon as I got to camp, Anders rushed over to my side with a frown on his face.

"What happened?" he sounded worried.

"I was-Ouch!" I flinched away from Anders as he touched the flesh beside the cut. "That fucking hurts!"

"The cut is deep," Anders sighed as his frown grew. "I can heal it, but you may scar. Now, how did this happen?"

I looked over at Fenris, who just got back into the camp. I didn't know how Anders would react if he knew that the elf was the cause of the wound on my face, but I couldn't lie. It was clear the cut was made by a sword, "I was training with Fenris and-"

Rage filled Anders' face as he whirled around, he stomped angrily towards Fenris. Before I knew what was happening, Anders' fist connected with Fenris' face with a noise that was loud, "You stay away from Kimberly, Elf!"

In response, Fenris' tattoos glowed bright blue and he drew his sword, "You have no say in what she does, _Abomination_."

There was a spark, and Justice took control of Anders. I moved towards them, seeing that this was going to get ugly fast, but Hawke grabbed me and shook her head, "This fight has been brewing for many years. They need to get it out of their systems."

"But they're going to kill each other!" I argued, knowing that the cut on my face had been forgotten.

"Come on, Kim," Aveline grabbed my arm, "let's go clean that wound up so it doesn't get infected."

Tears entered my eyes, not just over the cut on my face, "I didn't mean to start a fight between them."

Aveline gave me a small smile, "Don't worry about it, and don't feel that you're to blame for this. The two of them have been egging a fight on for many, many years now. You're not at fault for this."

Aveline's words of comfort didn't help much, but I followed her to the stream, praying to God that Anders and Fenris didn't seriously hurt each other. Even though the two of them had a deep hatred for one another, I couldn't help but have a soft spot for the two of them, and I felt completely responsible for causing them to fight, even though I'd been in Thedas for a month. Honestly, I had a soft spot for every one of my companions, and it pained me to be the cause of a fight, regardless of what Aveline and Hawke had said.

* * *

I stayed by the stream for a good hour after Aveline helped me clean the cut, not wanting to go back to camp just in case Fenris and Anders were still fighting. It didn't really matter that my face hurt like hell, I was extremely embarrassed that the two of them got into a fight over what had happened to me.

"I can heal that for you," Anders said from behind me. I could only nod, unable to help but feel fearful of saying something wrong. There was a spot of blood an his lip and a slight cut that looked partially healed. He must have healed himself a bit before he remembered me. The was a deep frown oh his face, "I'm sorry."

"What?" this wasn't what I had expected.

"All you wanted to do was learn how to do other things, an accident happened, and I let my anger get the best of me," Anders' hand began to glow with a healing spell as he barely touched my face. "Worse of all, you're the one who was hurt while I decided to start a fight with Fenris, and I'm truly sorry for that."

I sat there silently for a long moment as Anders continued to heal the cut on my face. I finally looked at him curiously, "What were you like...before Justice?"

"I was reckless, selfish, never serious," he cleared his throat. "I was a terrible flirt, I enjoyed brothels almost as much as Isabela, and I would have tried to seduce you the moment I saw you."

"That's something I'd like to see," I smiled while I felt my skin tingle as it healed.

"What part?" Anders frowned.

"All of it," I laughed. "That means at one point you were carefree and knew how to have fun."

Anders looked at me like he was shocked, "Are you saying I don't know how to have fun?"

"I'm saying Justice won't _let_ you have fun," I corrected him.

"Justice doesn't have control over every aspect of my life," Anders argued.

"Then why don't you ever smile or joke around?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Varric said you had a good sense of humor the first couple of years that he knew you."

"I had responsibilities," Anders frowned. "I grew up."

"Within a seven year period Hawke lost his father, his brother, his sister, and his mother," I stated bluntly. "He still has a sense of humor, and he's gone through hell."

Anders shook his head, "I'm not going to argue about this with you."

As he walked away, I called after him, "That's because you know that I'm right, _Blonde_!"

It felt strange using Varric's nickname for Anders, but I couldn't resist using it. Then, I was alone again. I looked at my reflection in the water of the stream. Anders had been right, my cheek had scared, but just barely. I frowned, I didn't want to have a scar on my face. Not from an accident while training with Fenris anyways. Maybe Varric could come up with a good story about my scar? That thought made me smile, I was sure the dwarf could do just that.

* * *

Eight days later, I had finally asked Varric if he could come up with a good story to cover the scar. The dwarf laughed, clearly pleased that I would ask such a thing. I needed some entertainment, given the fact that Fenris was going extra easy on me with training, and Anders avoided me after I questioned his sense of humor.

"I can do better than that, Kimberly," Varric chuckled. "I can make a story of your life in Thedas."

"I've only been here little over a month," I frowned.

"Outside of our band, no one will even know," Varric smirked. "You'll have to have a _good_ backstory..."

"What, in the Maker's name, are you two talking about?" Hawke frowned as she made her way over to us.

"Kimberly needs to have a past in Thedas," Varric replied smoothly, "so _I'm_ going to give her one."

"What about family?" I frowned.

"That's easy," Hawke smirked. "It's very possible that you come from the Amell family-many were disowned for being mages, or even the Hawke side of my family."

Varric smiled, "That way, Kimberly has family-living family-in Thedas. Good thinking, Waffles!"

Hawke shook her head and I frowned, "Waffles?"

"Hawke rushed a nickname," Varric stated. "Now, I think it would be more poetic if you were a cousin to both Hawke and Amell."

"Isn't that a bit far-fetched?" I frowned.

"Not at all," Hawke sat beside me. "The Amell family is large and spread out across Thedas."

I frowned at Varric, "So what's your idea?"

"You were raised in Ferelden by your mother, you lived in a small house just fifteen miles south of Lothering," Varric said thoughtfully, as if he was envisioning my fake past. "You took care of your younger sister and three younger brothers and kept the Templars away-since magic runs in the Amell family; your mother refused to tell you who your father was, you lost your family and barely escaped the main body of the hoard as the Blight headed for Lothering. Then-"

"That's a sad way to lose my family," I frowned.

"Most people lost their family and homes that way," Varric stated. "Now...where was I? Then you used what money you had to get to Denerim, but when news came that the Blight was spreading, you snuck onto a ship that was leaving Ferelden."

"Oh, and the captain discovered you," Isabela winked at me as she joined us. "By then, you were already halfway to Antiva, and that certain captain allowed you to stay on her ship."

"I guess we can all help make a past for you," Varric chuckled.

"This is fun," Isabela grinned, grabbing ahold of my hand. "While on the Siren's Call, you learned how to duel, needing to learn how to defend yourself against the men who worked upon the ship."

"Once in Antiva, you tried to rebuild your life there," Hawke joined in with a smirk. "But the fact that they traded slaves made you want to find somewhere else to go."

"So you spent two years saving up what coin you could until you had enough to get passage from Antiva to Tevinter, where you heard the Hero of Ferelden, another Amell, was," Varric continued.

"And what kind of work did I do? What was my siblings' names?" I asked. "You know, some people wonder these kinds of things."

"You could have been a...worked in a brothel," Isabela winked at me.

"You could have done smuggling work like Hawke," Varric grinned.

"You could have worked in the market," Fenris offered from behind us.

That was the most honest work, so I nodded, "Market is good." Names from several movies and shows I loved in my world popped into my head suddenly, and I grinned at Varric, "Luke, Anakin, Alaric, Damon, and Elena."

"How did you come up with those so fast?" Varric asked.

"Luke and Anakin are characters from the story Star Wars, and Alaric, Damon, and Elena are from the story Vampire Diaries," I smirked.

"Someone tried to rob the market stall you worked at in Antiva, you fought back, which is how you earned that light scar on your face, but you managed to best him because of the skills you'd picked up while on the Siren's Call," Isabela smiled brightly.

"When you finally managed to reach Tevinter, you realized that it was a place worse than Antiva, and feared becoming a slave, so you used what coin you had left to travel from Tevinter to the Free Marches," Hawke smirked over at Isabela.

"Where you heard of yet another Amell-and have been trying to find them since then," Varric added quickly.

"That's it?" I asked. "Do I have to change anything about myself?"

"Change only your last name to 'Amell'," Varric advised.

"Well thank you for teaching me a skill I don't yet possess, Isabela," I laughed.

"You learn fast, Kimberly Amell," Isabela chuckled.

"I feel bad," I said honestly, looking at Hawke. "I don't feel right using the Amell name."

"Would you rather be a Hawke?" Hawke asked. "I'm giving you permission to use either name, Kimberly."

I nodded, "Okay, I guess I'll use Amell..."

"Who would have thought, you came into Thedas completely alone, and now you have a cousin," Varric chuckled.

"Kimberly Amell..." Hawke smiled at me. "It fits you well."

"One thing I don't get though," I turned back to Varric, "is why you made me a bastard."

"Because," Varric handed me a flask, "that means your father could be _anyone_."

I sighed, "So I don't know my father, I lost my whole family to the Blight, and I found a member of my family-a cousin who I knew nothing about?"

"That's right," Varric nodded. "Keep telling yourself that, and it'll be true."

I looked over at Anders, who was just staring at me from across the fire. I wondered why he wasn't even talking to me. Was it because I hit a nerve by saying that he didn't have a sense of humor? Was it because I was right? Or was it because of the incident three days ago? I couldn't help but wonder, and I hoped that he'd get got over it soon, because he was supposed to teach me more.

"How do you think Gamlen is holding up now?" Anders asked Hawke from my side.

"We'll be finding out here soon," Hawke smiled, looking at me. "We're going to visit our dear uncle, Gamlen Amell. I gave him a large amount of coin to get out of Kirkwall before we left the city. It was for him to set up a life for him and any Amell who may come along. He's in the village of Heartstone."

"Won't he know I'm not really an Amell?" I frowned.

"Nope," Hawke grinned. "He'll take one look at you and believe it. Especially when he learns that you're an apostate."

"Is he the only family that you have that you know personally?" I asked.

"The only family _we_ have," Hawke corrected me. "You have to get used to referring to yourself as my family, Kim. Because you're the only family I have, real or not, that I like. I have yet to meet our cousin, the Hero of Ferelden, so yes, Gamlen is the only remaining family **we** have left that I know personally."

"What do you think _Uncle_ Gamlen has done with the coin that you gave to him?" I was sure to say "Uncle".

"Maker only knows, Kim," Hawke shrugged. "Pray that he was smart.

* * *

Ten days later we made it to the small village of Heartstorm that was located about sixty miles away from Starkhaven, it turned out the Gamlen Amell owned an inn called the "Gryffon Inn" that he had bought with the coin Hawke had given him. Donnic and Aveline got our rooms from the woman Gamlen had taking care of the rooms while Hawke talked to our "Uncle", because of the number of our group, we had to share rooms. Donnic and Aveline shared a room with Merrill, Varric was with Isabela and Hawke, which left me in a room with Anders and Fenris. Probably as a joke from Varric that was whispered into Aveline's ear when she was getting the rooms. I believed it was Varric, because for some reason, I couldn't seem to stop myself from looking at Fenris, he was beautiful, more beautiful than most women I'd seen.

"Who is your _new_ friend, Shilo?" Gamlen asked Hawke.

"Gamlen, I found another Amell," Hawke grinned at her uncle.

Gamlen narrowed his eyes at me, then he shrugged, "I won't be around much, there's too much work around here that needs my attention, so don't try to 'get to know' me."

I nodded, shocked by how fast he'd accepted Hawke's words, and how fast he was to be rude to "family" he'd just met. After several hours, I finally got the privacy I needed for a bath, which was warm and relaxing. I could feel myself getting cleaner by the moment, and it was refreshing to wash my tangled dark hair. I climbed out of the tub, wrapped a towel around myself and sighed as I pulled my dirty robes back over my head.

I had just gotten back into my robes when Isabela came rushing into the room. She frowned when she saw me, "I missed your bath."

I laughed and wrapped the towel around my hair, "Sorry to disappoint you, Isabela."

"Let's head downstairs and have something to eat," Isabela grinned at me. "You look like you could use a drink."

"I could," I agreed.

"Good," Isabela linked her arm with mine and pulled me along side her. She sat us between Hawke and Anders, so I was beside my mentor, and across from Fenris.

"What's with the towel in your hair?" Anders leaned close to me.

I reached up and pulled the towel out of my hair, and placed the towel on my lap. I accepted the cup of ale Isabela offered me, and I could feel both Anders and Fenris watching me as I took several gulps. Isabela smiled at me and held onto my hand, "I thought you didn't drink, Kimberly."

"I don't," I shrugged.

"What changed your mind?" Varric grinned.

"It will help me sleep," was my reply. I didn't want to say that I didn't want to put up with Anders and Fenris in the same small space together, even though they seemed to be doing fine at the moment.

"And it will help _me_ as well," Isabela smirked.

"So I noticed you're balance is much better," Hawke offered me a smile.

"We'll see how it gets here in a while," I smiled back at my "cousin".

Hawke laughed, "I'm sure Fenris or Anders would be willing to help you back to your room if your balance is too off."

I looked down and took another gulp of the ale to hide my embarrassment. Isabela and Varric somehow talked everyone into playing a card came called Wicked Grace...as a drinking game, and without knowing how the game was played, I had foolishly agreed to it. I lost horribly, and found myself leaning on Isabela and peaking at her cards. Trying to play it cool, I slurred, "I'm so drunk."

"And trying to cheat," Isabela laughed. "You're terrible at cheating, Sweetling."

I sat up straight, and giggled, "Sorry." I tried to focus back on my cards, but all my focus was lost. I couldn't think straight, it had been a long time since alcohol had touched my lips. I looked across the table at Fenris, and realized that he was watching me. I quickly looked away from him and looked down at the table, not sure where else to look. I took a deep breath before I took another drink from my cup, unsure if it was my turn or not. I stood and looked over at Hawke, "I'm going to step outside for a moment."

I nearly fell out of my chair, but stabled myself, and I managed to make it out of the inn, into the fresh air. I heard someone come up behind me and whirled around a bit too quickly. I laughed as Fenris stabled me. The brooding elf frowned at me, "You should get to bed."

"I'm fine," I smiled.

"You're not," Fenris wasn't smiling.

"You'd be a lot sexier if you smiled once in a while," I didn't realize what I had said, if I had, then it didn't seem to bother me.

"We'll speak of that later," still no smile from the stubborn elf.

"What will it take to make you smile?" I asked.

Then, before he could answer, I kissed him. It was short and possibly sloppy, given the fact I had too much to drink. I wasn't even sure how long I kissed him for, or even if he had pulled away from me. I didn't even know if I got a smile from him then, because he lifted me into his arms and carried me back inside the inn.

* * *

When awoke the next morning, I instantly regretting drinking the night before. I held my head in agony and thought of the night before. My eyes popped open in shock, I had kissed Fenris last night, made a fool of myself in front of one of my mentors, and it was very possible that I disgusted him. I couldn't believe my behavior the night before. I looked around the room, Anders was the only one there, looking out the window, waiting for something.

"Morning," Anders said without looking at me. "How do you feel?"

"Horrible," I frowned. "What happened after Fenris brought me back in?"

"He brought you to the room, Isabela kept trying to come 'help' you, and I stayed in here making sure you remained okay," Anders informed me. "Fenris hasn't gone to bed yet."

_Great, I scared him_, I thought.

_Maybe he was worried about you_, Mercy offered.

_Why didn't you advice me not to drink?_ I asked silently.

_I had no idea what kind of effects it would have on you_, Mercy explained. _And you couldn't hear me once you drank too much. I had no idea they had such...things in this world._

_Wait till we get back to my world_, I looked down at the bed so Anders couldn't see my face. _I know of a plant that will probably help us a lot more._

"So I didn't do anything stupid?" I asked, trying to rub away my hangover.

"Not that I know of," Anders shrugged. "Would you like for me to heal you? At least take away the pain."

I nodded, "And the icky stomach."

Anders chuckled, "I'll see what I can do about that."

"Then we should let Fenris sleep," I added.

Anders nodded, not saying anything. I felt guilty for kissing Fenris, he saw me as a child, a child who needed to be taught, and I looked at him as a friend, like I did the rest of my companions. Yes, because I'm a girl, I enjoyed to flirt, it was part of my nature, but I didn't need to be going after people I was getting close to. I hoped that Fenris could forgive my rudeness, because I knew he was a friend that I didn't want to lose.

* * *

We'd been at the Gryffon Inn for four days, in which I actually got to relax, and I stayed away from drinking. Fenris was treating me like usual again, after I apologized to him for the way I had handled myself when I was drunk, and he made no mention of anything I may have said or the kiss the night I'd gotten too drunk. News came that the Hero of Ferelden was in the Deep Roads, or so said the rumors. So it was Hawke's plan to stay where we were for a while, given the fact the village was so small it didn't have a Chantry, the closest one was about twelve miles north, so it was safe for Merrill, Anders, and I to stay at the inn. I was going to have to ask Varric to switch me rooms, because the way Fenris and Anders argued, I wanted to have a peaceful night in a room without arguing. I was sitting with Hawke and Isabela for breakfast, as usual, Isabela was trying to get me to drink again, thinking that she'd have better luck if _she_ was the one who took care of me while I was drunk.

"We need to find a clearing for your training," Anders whispered into my ear as he sat beside me.

"Why are we whispering?" Isabela grinned at the mage.

"Yeah, what are the two of you hiding?" Varric smirked at me as he winked. "Are the two of you...together now?"

"What?" I couldn't help but laugh. "No!"

"I need to know these things," Varric said seriously.

"Why's that?" I was still laughing.

"He needs fodder for his stories," Hawke chuckled. "Apparently you've become a part of his chronicles."

"Wonderful," I shook my head.

"I can always make it up as I go," Varric smiled.

I busted out laughing again, because I was sure he would, "If anything like **that** happens, Varric, I promise you'll be the first to know."

"Know what?" Merrill asked as she joined us at the table. "Did I miss something dirty?"

"No," Anders said.

"You missed the dirtiest conversation in the world," I grinned at the Dalish blood-mage.

It took me a while to learn what exactly a blood mage was, and when I figured it out, I was in complete shock that Merrill made a deal with a demon for its help. Varric and Hawke reassured me that the demon was long gone, but Merrill didn't seem the type to lose habits easily. Shit, she didn't even seem the type to make a deal with a demon in the first place.

"Really?" Merrill looked disappointed.

"No," I laughed. "I promise you, I'll let you know when you do miss something dirty."

"Good, because Isabela can be _very_ dirty," Merrill's smile was innocent.


	3. Uncertain Decisions

I'd been in Thedas for little over four months, surprisingly I was able to conform to the strange lifestyle my companions helped me with. We left Heartstone about two weeks ago, so I'd learned my "life" story while in the village where we kind of lived for about a month. Anders made me practice my magic-with the help of Merrill, Fenris and Hawke both trained me on the Great sword, Aveline and Donnic trained with me on the sword and shield, Isabela trained me on the "art of dueling" with daggers-flirting shamelessly and talking dirty the entire time, and Varric took it upon himself to get information from me about my "life" as Kimberly Amell. On top of that, Mercy remained hidden, none of my companions even mentioned my spirit anymore, though I was sure Mercy was far from forgotten.

My heart was pounding inside my chest frantically at the sight of arrows pointed directly at us. I could feel one of them aimed at my back, I was guessing that was a feeling that came from Mercy, I was about to panic, but Merrill was calm as she greeted the elves. It was clear that they didn't like the fact that one of their own was traveling with several humans and a dwarf.

"Who are the shemlen?" one of the elves demanded.

"They're friends," Merrill stated.

"We don't know if they can be trusted," the man didn't seem too happy as he glared at us. "These are troubling times, Da'len."

"We just want to pass through," Hawke said diplomatically. "We're searching for a friend."

"Lower your bows," a young elvian woman around my age, twenty-five, spoke in an authoritive voice. "They search for the Hero of Ferelden. They _are_ friendly."

The other elves listened to the woman and lowered their bows. I felt a bit more safe, but kept my guard up as I moved slightly closer to Fenris, feeling more secure by the tallest elf around. Keeping my guard up was thanks to my training with everybody. The only one who truly fought fair was Merrill, so while training, I learned to never let my guard down.

"It's good to see you again, Bella," Merrill offered a small smile.

"It is _Keeper_ Bella now," the elf smiled back. "It is unfortunate what happened to Keeper Merathari. You have my condolences."

Merrill shifted uncomfortably, it was clear that news among the Dalish traveled-so then they knew that Merrill's clan had exiled her for their Keeper's choice to take Merrill's demon of Pride into herself. None-the-less, Keeper Bella invited us into their camp. They had beautiful white stags with uniquely twisted antlers that were just breathtaking, more so than the sunrise I'd seen months ago. I learned quickly that they were called Halla, and they pretty much led the Dalish clan where they were to go. I hadn't realized that there was so much more in this strange world that I hadn't seen...like Ferelden or anywhere else that wasn't the Free Marches.

"Warden-Commander Amelia Amell passed through our camp several days ago, she's looking for something, but avoided telling us what it was," Bella sighed. "She was heading towards Starkhaven. Given what's going on, I pray to the Creators that she has a safe journey. Starkhaven is no place for a mage-even the Hero of Ferelden."

"You have no idea if that's were she was going, though...right?" Hawke frowned. It was clear that Starkhaven was not a place she wanted to go anytime soon. "Was anyone with her?"

"Another mage, a Dalish, and fellow Warden," Bella nodded. "I met her years ago during the Summer Solstice, Velanna. She was the First in her clan, but was exiled when she put her own selfish needs above her clan...she made it right, and the clan invited her to take her place as Keeper, but she chose to stay with the Wardens."

"Do you know how long she said she'd be?" Hawke asked.

"She asked us to stay for at least a month so she could meet back up with us before traveling west to Ferelden," Bella nodded. Then she looked around at us, "You all look exhausted. Stay for the night, and we will speak in the morning."

I sat with a group of female Dalish hunters who had invited me to share their fire, perhaps they thought I looked like an elf as well, like Isabela did. Most of what was said between the elves I couldn't understand, because they were speaking in their native tongue. It was a beautiful language, and I pitied them for losing so much. They were strong and lived the life of gyspies, which I had pictured my family doing at one point. It was actually quite fun spending time with new people, but I soon found myself growing restless, so I stood, excused myself, and walked into the darkness and away from the warmth.

"Are you okay, Da'len?" one of the Dalish hunters followed me from the fire. "I have really...sensitive empathy, and there's something bothering you. Would you like to talk?"

_Yes_, I thought as I shook my head, "You wouldn't believe a word of it anyways. Let's just say that I'm homesick."

"I think I would be homesick if I was away from family," the hunter looked back at the fire, "but to see other things _besides_ the road would be spectacular. Though we Dalish have no roads."

"You'd really be homesick if you were in my shoes," I sighed.

"I'm Arora," the hunter smiled at me. "You're the first human most of us have socialized with. Besides that incident when you all first showed up."

"I'm Kimberly," I found Fenris easily, who was being gawked at by a group of very young Dalish elves. He was slightly taller than Anders, so I was sure that the sight of an elf so tall amazed the whole clan of Dalish.

"What's your class?" Arora asked.

My attention went back to the Dalish elf, "My what?"

"Your class," Arora smiled at my confusion. "Are you a rouge, a warrior, or, like the Keeper, gifted with magic?"

"All of the above," I looked back over at Fenris, who's attention was on the children who were gawking at him. He didn't look too happy by the way they were all looking at him, but how would I know? For all I knew, he automatically looked pissed most of the time-either that or unreadable which was just as annoying.

"How is that even possible?" Arora frowned.

"I'm learning," I shrugged.

"You're not from here, are you?" Arora tilted her head.

_She knows_, Mercy told me.

_How would she know? Who would even guess something like that? _I thought back.

_Someone like her is my guess_, was Mercy's smartass reply.

"I'm from Ferelden," I lied, I'd said it enough for it to almost be the truth.

"Right," Arora nodded, then looked over at Fenris. "Is that your man?"

"No," I shook my head and turned red. "He-"

"He can't keep his eyes off of you when you're not looking," Arora stated. "That is why I ask if he's your man. I'm a hunter, I _have_ to know my surroundings."

"He's my friend," I answered honestly.

"Friend," Arora nodded, but I heard the doubt as she repeated the word. "What's it like? Seeing things that you've never seen before?"

"Interesting, I've only met Merrill, she was the first Dalish I met," I shrugged.

"Would your friends allow two more to join you?" Arora's question shocked me.

"I-I would have to speak to my cousin," I replied, unsure. What did she mean, "two more"?

"Would you?" Arora beamed. "It would be me and my husband. We're both skilled hunters, and I can speak to Keeper Bella for her blessings to leave and meet back up with the clan during the next Solstice."

"Why would you want to leave?" I frowned.

"Curiosity," Arora shrugged, her smile never wavering. "If you could speak to your cousin, I'll wait right here while you do so."

I must have had a soft spot for elves, because I found myself walking towards Hawke, determined to tell her of the Dalish hunter, Arora's request of leaving with us. Hawke was with Isabela, Merrill, and Varric, playing Wicked Grace, which actually made it easier for me to speak with her.

"Hawke...can I ask you something?" I shuffled my feet nervously.

"Of course," Hawke smiled up at me.

"There's this Dalish hunter, Arora, who was wondering if she could come with us when we leave...and also her husband as well," I said quickly.

"And you're wondering if we could bring them?" Isabela smiled brightly. "Hawke, your cousin likes elves as well."

"It could be an Amell thing," Hawke chuckled. "It's rumored that your assassin friend, Zevran, is in a relationship with my other cousin. And of course I love Merrill, we just can't be together."

"You were with Merrill?" I was shocked.

"It was beautiful while it lasted," Merrill smiled at Hawke, "and Isabela promised that I'd be able to join when we get to Ferelden."

I turned red, "So...are you okay with this?"

"Only if Keeper Bella says it's all right," Hawke stated. "We don't need to have shaky relations with the Dalish when they're our only friends at the moment."

I nodded and went to give Arora the news. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Keeper Bella had given her blessing, as long as we agreed to stay several days so they could say good-bye to their family, which, of course, Hawke agreed happily. Arora and her husband, Tylor spent more time with Hawke and me than anyone else, just so they would be accustomed to at least the two of us, but they did spend time with their family as well. I wondered off, trying to find a clearing so I could speak to Mercy, deep in thought about why the two elves wanted to leave their clan, which caused me to lose my footing and fall to the ground.

"And here I thought your balance was getting better," Fenris' voice came from behind me.

I stood quickly and whirled around to face the warrior, "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"Clearly," Fenris' green eyes flashed, once again reminding me of the wolf he was named for. "I think it's about time we talked."

My face flushed as I recalled the night I'd kissed him, my eyes went wide and my heart fluttered: _"You'd be a lot sexier if you smiled once in a while," I had boldly said in my drunken stupor._

"We'll speak of that later," Fenris hadn't even looked like he'd smile.

"What will it take to make you smile?" I had asked before I kissed him, thinking that it would make him smile.

Fenris stepped closer to me, "You do recall telling me I'd be a lot 'sexier' if I smiled once in a while, correct?"

I knew he already knew the truth, so I nodded and barely whispered, "Yes."

"Do you still want to know how to make me smile?" Fenris' deep voice purred.

My heart raced as I nodded again, "I do."

He was so close to me, another inch and we'd be touching, "You-"

"KIMBERLY!" Isabela called out. "KIMBERLY AMELL! ANDERS SENT ME TO LOOK FOR YOU AND I'M NOT COMING IN!"

Fenris spat something in a different language I'd never heard before, and he motioned for me to go with his head. Frowning, and unable to calm my heart, I ran towards Isabela, wondering what Fenris was going to say, and what he had said in that strange language. It turned out that Anders just wanted to talk to me about Arora and Tylor, which could have waited, but he was too impatient.

* * *

Four days later we left the Dalish camp and headed towards Starkhaven with the two Dalish hunters in tow. I liked Arora, she was a free spirit that just wanted to see the rest of the world, though I think she'd soon realize that the grass was definItely greener on her side of the fence. It felt as though everyone knew that Fenris wanted to talk to me, so they all demanded my attention one after another, Hawke, Isabela, Merrill, Varric, Aveline, Donnic, Anders, and now Tylor and Arora, and my curiosity was beginning to sink in hard.

"Why don't you just walk away with him?" Arora asked me.

"What?" I frowned at her.

"You've been anxious all day, Da'len," Arora stated. "And you've been looking at _him_, so why don't you just go have him go for a walk with you?"

I turned red, "I'm not sure-"

"Yeah, yeah, you're not sure what I'm talking about," Arora shook her head. "The entire clan thought the two of you were together by the way he looks at you, but then again that Anders looks at you in a way that's off too."

I frowned, was I the only one who didn't see any of this? Anders fathered me, acted like an overprotective brother, and Fenris...I was starting to be unsure about that, but above everything, he was my friend. There was nothing that could change that. Varric had straight up told me that Anders and Fenris liked me, but I hadn't even thought twice about that until now. I shook my head and caught up to Hawke and Isabela, "How far to the next inn?"

"Why?" Hawke frowned at me.

"I need a drink," I sighed.

Isabela grinned happily and pulled out a flask, "As you wish, Sweetling."

I took it and took a large mouthful before it got snatched away from me by Fenris, "Hawke, can we stop? I need to speak with Kimberly for a moment."

"Of course," Hawke said as she swapped looks with Isabela.

Fenris turned and walked farther down the road, I looked over at Isabela, not really sure what to do, the elf seemed pissed off. Didn't he always though? Isabela motioned for me to follow Fenris, so I did so, he was far ahead, I couldn't see him, not anywhere. I was about to call out for him to slow down when he grabbed me and pulled me into a clearing beside the dirt road.

"You want the answer to your question still?" he still had ahold of me.

"Yes," I nodded.

"You can be _mine_," Fenris' voice was low. "But know that I do **not** share. Not with Isabela, not with Hawke, not with-"

"What?" I breathed out, I couldn't believe my ears. "You want a...relationship with me?"

"Is there something wrong with that?" he narrowed his forest green eyes at me.

I shook my head, "There's nothing wrong with it, I-I just have to think about this."

Disappointment, as though I'd already rejected him entered his eyes as he looked down, "Take as long as you need, Kimberly."

My heart fluttered as he released me, "I'll talk to you later."

Fenris didn't look at me as I turned around and walked quickly back to my companions. My heart started to drum in my ears and I could feel Anders and Varric both looking at me as I leaned against Hawke for support as we walked again. I needed to think hard on this. There were so many things that could happen...I could find a way home, I could wake up...and if I was with Fenris, I didn't know if I'd want to go home then. I'd have to, if I had a way home, I had to take it. But what if I never found a way home? Would I be passing up on a good person because of my hopes of going home?

* * *

For two weeks we circled around the city-state of Starkhaven, searching for any clues as to where we could find Amelia Amell and her elvian companion with no luck what-so-ever. I was to the point of frustration, arguing with myself in my head with only Mercy to mediate the argument. Mercy believed that if I shared the same feelings as Fenris did, then why not give into it? She didn't want me to be consumed by one goal like Anders had been. We had set up camp several miles away from the Templar-infested city so Hawke and Anders felt more secure. Because everyone was so on edge, so was I-it was maddening, even Arora and Tylor were on edge. I had wished that we could have spent more time with the Dalish, it would have been interesting to see more of their culture as a group.

"What's wrong, Kimberly?" Varric asked as he sat beside me. In almost five months of knowing me, the dwarf still didn't have a nickname for me. Ander was "Blonde", Fenris was "Broody", Isabela was "Ravaini", Merrill was "Daisy", Aveline was "Captain", Donnic was "Guardsman", and Hawke was "Waffles", but that wasn't what was bothering me.

"I'm homesick, Varric," I sighed, deciding to be completely honest, given the fact everyone else was out gathering wood. "I'm homesick and can't stop thinking about Fenris."

Varric gave a knowing smile, "Let's start with you being homesick."

I nodded, "I miss my family...my mom, my dad...my brother and sister...my friends...but if I found a way to go home, I know that I would miss my life here. Hawke treats me how my real cousins treat me, everyone of you treats me like I'm family already, and you feel like you're all family to me."

"That's because we are," Varric smiled. "If you left, we'd all miss you too. Besides, we all know Blonde wouldn't know what to do with himself."

"That's true," I smiled back at the dwarf.

"At least, Madam, we get our time with you now," Varric popped open a bottle of ale and took a swig, then handed it to me, "Now, what about Fenris?"

"He wants...he..." I took a deep breath, "He wants a romantic relationship with me."

Varric grinned from ear to ear, "And you're afraid to, because of when you go home?" I nodded and he clapped his hands together, "I'm bias on this one, Kimberly. I'd have to say give the man a chance. The choice is yours of course."

"And remember, if we run into any trouble around here-" Hawke started.

"-use a weapon, not magic," I finished for her. "You've told me six times already in the last hour."

"As long as you remember," Hawke smiled.

I sighed as I looked across the fire at Fenris, who was laying back, looking up at the stars. The more I thought about it, the less arguments I had against starting something with Fenris. He was the type that would follow me through Hell and back if I asked him. He was loyal, and in my world, that was a quality in a person that was hard to find. Arora and her husband didn't help either, they had been motioning me to go talk to him, but I couldn't gather the courage. What if...what if he had changed his mind? I doubted he was the type to do that, but he could surprise me. Then I glanced over at Varric who nodded encouragingly. I stood and purposely walked past Fenris, hoping that he would follow me. I stopped so I didn't go too far, I turned and squeaked out when I saw Fenris directly behind me.

"Have you thought about it?" it was clear the wolf's patients was running thin, not that I could blame him, he'd waited weeks.

I took a deep breath before I kissed him, immediately his arms wrapped around me and he held me close, deepening the kiss, then he broke away, "Are you sure about this? I don't share..."

"I'm not like Hawke," I breathed out. "I don't share either."

"You're not like anybody in this world," Fenris whispered as he kissed me. My head sung as time seemed to stop. When he pulled away again, his green eyes flashed in the way that I didn't trust, "You're going to tell Varric about this, aren't you?"

"How-" I started.

"Don't, I will," Fenris' deep voice purred. "Now lets get back to camp before they all wonder where we ran off to."

I nodded and was shocked when he put his armored hand on my lower back as we walked back to our companions. There was a mixture of expressions when we got closer, due to the fact how close we were standing beside each other. Aveline, Donnic, and Merrill were all confused, Varric, Arora, and Tylor were all grinning with an expression that said "I knew it", Hawke and Isabela looked entertained, and Anders...well he looked all sorts of **pissed**. I took my seat close to Hawke, and Fenris lowered himself right beside me and kept his hand on my back. I could have sworn he was glaring at Anders, but Isabela and Hawke started to tease me, so I couldn't really say.


	4. An Unwilling Captive

"Halt! State your business!" was what I was awakened to. I opened my eyes to see several armored men moving towards my companions and me. I stood quickly, Fenris was over by Hawke, clear across the camp.

"Wait! Isn't that the Champion?" a soldier frowned. "Shilo Hawke, you are under-"

I had pulled out my sword and hit the soldier in the face. I turned to Hawke, "RUN!"

I was glad that everyone-even Fenris- listened to me, but it was clear I hadn't thought it through at all. I fought off the soldiers as my friends escaped, knowing for a fact they could come to my rescue. I couldn't believe that I had the nerve to even try to take on armored, trained soldiers who probably spent most of their lives with a sword in their hand, but I did it anyways, trusting in the fact that I had good teachers. I held my ground for a short amount of time before one of the soldiers disarmed me. My sword fell out of my hands, and I found the tip of a blade pressed against my chest.

"What's your name, serah?" the soldier who had his sword to my chest, demanded.

"Kimberly," I breathed out. "Kimberly Amell."

"Well," the soldier sneered at me, "you're coming with us, Serah Amell."

"No, I'm not," I glared back at him.

That was when I felt a blunt force against the back of my head. Everything faded to black, and I saw a bright glow, as I prayed to God that Mercy stayed inside me. The last thing I wanted was to be dubbed an apostate and an abomination.

_You'll be safe_, I heard Mercy say to me as I slipped into darkness.

* * *

When I came to, I was in a damp, cold, smelly dungeon all alone. I knew right then that I was in Starkhaven. My heart nearly stopped, had Mercy come out to protect us? I prayed that she didn't. That was the last thing either of us needed. I stood and looked around. A guard was posted outside my cell door, his icy grey eyes were upon me, and at that moment, I felt fear.

_Just breathe, Kimberly_, Mercy instructed me. _Our secret is safe. They know nothing about what you are._

_Easy for you to say_, I thought snidely. I moved towards the bars, "Where am I?" When the guard didn't reply, I glared at him, "What? You have no manners? Are you fucking mute?"

He only crossed his arms across his chest and looked up at the ceiling. I let out a frustrated scream and kicked the wall. That hurt me more than it hurt the wall, "Son-of-a-fucking-bitch!"

"What's going on in here?" another guard demanded as he entered the dungeon.

"The prisoner, Captain," the first guard replied. "She has an anger problem."

"Ser Jamison, weren't you told to report to me once Madam Amell awakened?" the captain didn't seem too upset.

"She _just_ woke-up, Ser," Jamison gave a nod.

"Bind her and take her to the king," the captain ordered. "He wants to have a word with the Amell."

I had a good mind to argue with them, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't need more trouble than I already had, and I was curious to find out what was going to happen to me. I recalled Varric's explanation about Sebastian Vael, the King of Starkhaven, who had wanted Hawke to kill Anders after the destruction of Kirkwall's Chantry, had sworn revenge on Anders, and Varric had also called him "Choir Boy". I began to shake like a leaf, what was he going to do to me? I had been traveling with Shilo Hawke, and on top of that, I had introduced myself as Kimberly "Amell", which I was sure the King knew was Hawke's mother's maiden-name. I took a deep shaky breath and allowed them to lead me up several flights of stairs. I was pulled into a throne room, where a man dressed in all white with dark brown hair and just as piercing blue eyes as Hawke, stood right as we entered the room. A lucky guess from me was that he was King Sebastian Veal of Starkhaven. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I was pulled closer to him, but not in the way it had for Fenris.

"Lady Amell," Sebastian Vael didn't show any emotion towards me, "what is your relation to Shilo Hawke?"

"She's my cousin," I replied coldly.

"Where is she?" he asked as if he expected me to answer.

"Fuck off," I glared at him.

"Is Anders with her?" he continued. When I hesitated, Sebastian smiled, "If I promise your cousin's safety, will you tell me where I can find Anders?"

"I won't tell you shit-even if you promised me my family back," I spat at him. "I won't betray my friends."

"Anders would betray you in a heartbeat," Sebastian's blue eyes lit up with anger. "He's an abomination and would sell you out if he thought it'd help his cause."

"He's a far better man that you could-" I started.

SMACK! His hand stung my face as he hit me hard. I must have struck a nerve with the bastard. If I wasn't tied up, I would have grabbed my face where a red welt was forming. Teas filled my eyes, and I could hear King Sebastian speak, "Ser Jamison, take _Lady_ Amell up to the room the maids prepared for her. Stay there and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

I couldn't keep my mouth shut as Ser Jamison led me away from the king, nor did I try to keep it shut, "Only a fucking coward hits a woman! Especially a woman who's tired up! You fucking bastard!"

Sebastian ignored me as Ser Jamison pulled me away. My face stung like hell, and all I wanted to do was cry. I had some crazy luck. I had accepted Fenris' offer of being with him and then I get captured by one of his old friends. But I was strong, I wasn't going to break, no matter how much the bastard of a king hit or tortured me. I wasn't going to tell him anything, not while my friends were out there, probably trying to find a way to come to my rescue.

Ser Jamison opened a large, wooden door, and pushed me into a large, beautifully decorated room. Normally, I would have been excited to even have a bed to sleep in-especially one that looked so comfortable looking as the one in the room, but I wasn't even the slightest excited or happy about it. Everything was going terribly wrong, and I had just had to play the hero. As soon as I was unbound, I rubbed my face and looked out the window. Even though I didn't know King Sebastian Vael, I vowed to hate him until the day I died.

* * *

For a week, all I could do was look out a window and think inside my head to Mercy, praying to God that I wouldn't go insane from this. Fenris was always on my mind, which seemed to hurt more than any thought about my family. Most of the time I wondered why he even bothered to try to get with me when this shit happened the next day. Then I found myself wondering why I didn't just accept when he had asked me to be his. I wanted to cry, but I didn't allow myself to do so, not in front of Ser Jamison, who was like my own personal Templar, only he wasn't a Templar, just a knight. All the same, I hated him for being there in the room with me when I just wanted to get my emotions out.

_You will see Fenris again_, Mercy promised me.

_How? I'm trapped here with only you to talk to in my own head_, I let out a deep breath. _Right now, all I want is my freedom, Mercy. I can't take this, being a prisoner. It's not right. I haven't been able to take a piss all week without that creep watching me. _

_Give them time, I have faith that they'll come for us_, Mercy said calmly.

_They all must think I'm a fool_, tears stung my eyes.

_I'm sure that's not true. They'd see what you did for what it really is_, Mercy was being reasonable.

_And what the fuck did I do? Gone and made myself a prisoner? _I shook away the tears and took another deep breath.

_No, Kimberly, you **saved** your friends. Your family_, of course Mercy was the voice of reason. _You gave them their freedom, and in turn, they will fight for yours._

_What if Sebastian is right? What if Anders really doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself?_

_There's still Hawke, Isabela, Varric, Aveline, Donnic, Merrill, Arora, Tylor...and Fenris. I'm sure they all give a shit_, Mercy thought back.

I smiled a little, _Mercy, I fear I'm a bad influence on you. _

_No, your manor of speaking is just more...more_, Mercy's voice was gentle. _Just stay calm, don't do anything irrational or that you'll regret. We'll be just fine._

_There **is** another way out of this Hell-hole_, I thought bitterly.

_How...?_

_We burn them all to the fucking ground_, I could feel my hands already starting to heat up.

_NO! _Mercy sounded worried. _Don't become what they all believe mages to be like. Your compassion for others, your mercy, is what divides you from everyone else. _

_Then we need to get the fuck out of here_.

**Sorry for how short this chapter is. I wanted Kimberly to get farther into the war, and what better way than putting her in Starkhaven? Please review, I'd love to know how people feel about this :D**


	5. Dreamer

Six months in Thedas-a month trapped in Starkhaven-and I was in a living hell. I was forced to hide my God-given gift of magic out of fear of what would happen to me if someone discovered what I was. I was a prisoner just because of my friendship with Hawke and Anders, and the fact that Sebastian believed that Hawke was really my cousin. I honestly would have preferred to be with them still, with Fenris...rather than trapped in a beautiful room in Starkhaven Castle. There was only one thing I was thankful for, and that was the fact that in the month I'd been locked away in Starkhaven, not one person knew that I was a mage. There was no knowing what King Sebastian would do to me if he found out that I was a mage on top of being Hawke's "cousin" and friends with Anders. He would more-than-likely turn me Tranquil-stripping me of not only my gift of magic, but my hopes, my dreams, and my emotions. Death seemed a better path than being made Tranquil and the very thought of that made my skin crawl. That was the one thing most mages feared-I knew that for a fact-and now I was one of them. I wondered what Sebastian would do if he knew that I was with Fenris, who had been his friend, but then again, Hawke had been his friend as well. Sebastian thought that Hawke was my cousin, and figured he could get Anders out of the deal.

"You can leave," I snapped at Ser Jamison, who spent everyday for the last month just staring at me.

"I'm sorry, Madam, I cannot," Ser Jamison stated dully.

"You don't have to sit there and watch me like you're a fucking Templar," I glared at him.

"Orders are orders," Ser Jamison shrugged. "Especially when they come from the king himself."

"Fuck," I looked out the window helplessly, since it was the only thing that I could do to keep calm. There were two things I wanted most in my life, and being locked in a tower-room like a fairy-tale princess wasn't one of them. I wanted to be free, with my family here, actually leaning how to fight and how to do more complex spells, discovering new and strange things that weren't in my world, but at the same time, I wanted to go back to my world where I'd at least be safe, yet I wanted the one that was more possible to me at the moment. I wanted to be with Fenris, Varric, Hawke, Isabela, Merrill, Aveline, Donnic, Anders, Arora, and Tylor. It broke my heart more than I thought when I thought of my companions.

"I guess I could...step out into the hallway, if that will make you feel more comfortable," Jamison shifted uncomfortably.

"It would," I didn't look away from the window.

I let out a sigh of relief when I heard the guard leave the prison I was in. As nice as it was, it still seemed more like the jail cell it really was. Where were my friends when I needed them most? Where were my so-called friends when I risked my freedom and life to save them? Were they making plans to come rescue my sorry ass? Did they plan to leave me in Starkhaven to rot away? Did any of them care? Did Fenris care? Was it all just an act on their part? If so, why? Those doubts had been in my head since Sebastian told me that Anders would betray me in a heartbeat...but he hadn't said anything about Hawke, Fenris, or the others. I prayed to God that I was right about Hawke, being that she was my cousin, and she would live up to her reputation as the Champion.

The door opened and Jamison poked his head back in the room, pulling me away from my negative thoughts, "The king will speak to you now."

I couldn't help but feel curious to why that prick wanted to speak to me now. I had only seen him once in the month I'd been in Starkhaven, and that was the day he had hit me.

_Be careful, Kimberly_, Mercy advised, _and try to stay calm_.

I couldn't help but wonder if Anders went through the same thing with Justice, or if they'd been together so long they just shared the same thoughts. Mercy did help me through my loneliness, but the only way I could communicate with her was through thought. I followed Jamison down to a study, where Sebastian was waiting already. I stopped at the door as the memory of him slapping me while my hands were tied the last time I'd seen him. Jamison grabbed my arm and pulled me farther into the room.

_Remain calm_, Mercy told me reassuringly.

I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on Sebastian, not daring to show my fear to him. He motioned for me to take a seat, and once I did, he spoke to Jamison and the other four guards in the room, "Leave us." Once the men left the room, he sat across from me, "Lady Amell, I'm sorry about the incident the last time we met." I didn't say anything, so he sighed, "I just want to know where Anders is, and I'll let you go."

"I don't know where he's at, it's been a month since I've seen him," I stated, not biting my tongue, "and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

"You really care for that abomination?" Sebastian smirked. "Do you _really_ believe that he cares for you? He only cares about himself."

"He protected me," I argued. "He healed me when I was close to death, and most of all, he's my **friend**. So yes, I do believe that he cares about me."

That only made Sebastian's smirk grow, "Why would he protect you...he's in love with you, isn't he?"

I gawked at him, "I highly doubt that. He feels responsible for me. That's it. Besides, I'm with Fen-"

"I knew Anders for years, Lady Amell," Sebastian interrupted me. "He doesn't just protect people. Even if he does feel 'responsible' for them. Justice won't allow it."

"You're wrong," I stated stubbornly. "Anders _is_ my friend, and you must realize that Justice would never allow Anders to think that way about me. Neither would Fenris."

"Anders would feel that way about you just to _spite_ Fenris," Sebastian chuckled. "And Justice **would** allow it to spite my friend."

"If Fenris is your friend, then let me go," I tried.

Sebastian shook his head, "I can't do that. You're the cousin of Shilo Hawke and a very valuable trading piece. Also, if Anders _is_ in love with you, I don't want to risk losing what leverage I do have over that son-of-a-bitch."

I was wondering where Sebastian was going with all this talk about Anders, but I wasn't willing to stick around to find out what that was, "Can I go now? I'm done talking to you."

Sebastian nodded, "You're free to go back to your room. Ser Jamison will escort you."

"Of course he will," I sighed as I stood and moved towards the door, wondering if Sebastian was right. Anders had taken me under his wing, taught me how to defend myself and even healed my wounds. Was it possible that he was in love with me, even though it had been clear that I was interested in Fenris? I honestly didn't think that Justice would allow such a distraction, though with Fenris in the picture, I wasn't so sure after speaking with Sebastian. It was unusual that I was relieved when I got back inside my prison, but Sebastian's presence was unsettling, and it felt good to be away from him. Why would he even suspect that Anders was in love with me? There was no way I even hinted towards anything like that. Anders was my mentor, my protector, and above all else, he was my friend. There was nothing that Sebastian Vael could say that would change any of that.

I laid down on my bed, and Ser Jamison closed the door and stood outside. I whispered to Mercy, able to do so for the first time, "I wish there was a way for me to speak to Fenris or Anders."

_I know_, Mercy said calmly. _I know_.

* * *

I was moving through a foggy realm beside a glowing woman, who I could only assume was Mercy. It took me a moment to realize where I was. I looked over at my spirit, "Is this the Fade?"

"Yes," Mercy nodded.

"Anders said that in the Fade, Justice completely takes over because they are one... you're not completely taking over," I frowned.

"I would say we are different," Mercy sighed.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You're going to speak to Anders in his dream," Mercy stated. "I would try Fenris' but he isn't a mage and would probably assume you were part of his dream."

"What do you mean?" I questioned. "How do we even get to a person's dream?"

"You're what mortals in Thedas call a 'Dreamer'," Mercy informed me. "All you have to do is imagine where you want to go in the Fade. You don't have to worry about demons that may be drawn to your power, because you already have me."

I frowned, "So do you live here in the Fade, or are you inside me?"

"I am inside you, but your will is strong," Mercy stated. "I am able to leave your body, but only for short periods of time. I've done so twice before in your sleep, only I can never go too far."

I nodded and took a deep breath. I envisioned myself going into Anders' dream as I somehow formed a tare inside the Fade and stepped through. At first, I didn't think that it had worked, but when I spotted Anders, my eyes widened in shock.

I stepped forward quickly while Mercy waited behind, "Please tell me you guys are coming for me, Anders."

"Kimberly?" he looked confused.

"You **need** to get me out of Starkhaven before Sebastian drives me to use magic and discovers what I am," I told him quickly. "I can't handle it here."

"I-" Anders started.

"You can't leave me here, Anders," I felt my voice break. "Sebastian is bent on revenge, and he thinks you're in love with me."

"Why would he think that?" after everything I'd said, that was what Anders had finally said.

"I told him you're my friend," I narrowed my eyes at him. "I told him that it's not true, because you're my friend and I'm with Fenris." When he said nothing, I frowned, "It's not true, is it?"

"I-" Anders shook his head, "I can't do this here, Kimberly."

"Where else can we do this, Anders?" I demanded impatiently. "I **need** you to get me the fuck out of Starkhaven, do you hear me? I don't know how much longer I can survive here."

"Hawke and everyone else are working on it," Anders said. He turned around and started to walk away from me, not giving me any real answers. I knew that it was his way of tell me our conversation was over.

"ANDERS!" I screamed as he vanished from the Fade.

* * *

I woke up and let out a heavy sigh. It had been a week since my little meeting with King Sebastian, and my short, almost pointless journey into the Fade. I looked over at an older woman who was cleaning up my room. This caused me to frown, no one ever came into my prison cell except for Ser Jamison, who I was getting used to staying on the other side of the door. My eyes narrowed at the woman, "Who are you and what are you doing?"

"I'm Jody, Milady," the woman smiled brightly at me. "I think I should congratulate you, Lady Amell."

"Why?" my frown grew. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like this.

"Your engagement to King Sebastian, of course!" Jody's smile never faltered. "The news has already spread throughout the Free Marches."

My mind went viral at that very moment. What the hell did she mean "your engagement to King Sebastian"? I wasn't engaged to Sebastian Vael. I would **never**, ever in a million years, marry that holier-than-thou prick. I closed my eyes, "I'm not marrying the king."

"Maker's breath...you-you didn't know?" Jody looked shocked and slightly taken aback. "He announced your engagement three days ago."

_That son-of-a-bitch_. "Am I free to go speak to the king?" I asked, trying to calm down.

"I'll tell Ser Jamison to go grab King Sebastian for you, Lady Amell," Jody shifted uncomfortably. "Is there _anything_ else I can get for you?"

I shook my head, "No. Thank you, Jody. I just want to be alone right now."

"Of course, Milady," Jody left quickly, closing the door behind her.

_You still want me to remain calm and not burn **every** motherfucker in this place? _I thought wildly.

_Just try to stay calm, try to talk your way out of it_, Mercy offered.

I went over to the window and looked out at the Waking Sea. Maybe if Fenris, Hawke, Merrill, Isabela, Varric, Aveline, Donnic, Arora, and Tylor heard of my "engagement", they would all come rushing to my rescue. I prayed to God that they would, anyways. I got into a simple blue dress, and as soon as I had finished fastening the tie, Sebastian came waltzing into the room.

Immediately, I glared and went over to him. Ignoring Mercy's advice, I slapped him hard across the face, "What gives you the _fucking_ right to control my life? I would rather die a billion deaths than ever marry you."

I went to hit him again, but he caught my wrist, a bright red welt was already on his face from my first hit, "I'm the King, that's what gives me every right to control your life. Soon, you _will_ be my wife."

My eyes grew wide, unable to see if it was a bluff or not, I tried to pull away from him, but he kept a firm grip on my wrist, "You don't really want to marry me, do you? You're only doing this to spite Anders."

"Believe whatever you want," Sebastian's smirk told me I was right.

"You won't only be hurting Anders by doing this," I tried. "You'll be hurting Fenris as well. You'll be hurting Hawke."

"And by letting Anders live, Hawke allowed him to get away with murdering thousands of innocent people," Sebastian stated coldly, though his smirk didn't leave his face. "As for Fenris, he may insure that I get the one person I really want. Until then, Hawke will lose another person she cares about."

"How do you expect to accomplish this?" I demanded angrily. "How do you know that they'll even hear about it?"

"Within a month, all of Thedas will know that you _belong_ to me," his words were cold and made me feel uneasy.

My glare returned, "What the fuck happened to you? The way Varric had described you was way different than the way you are now." _He made you sound like Prince Charming from a fairytale._ "You'd really marry a woman who hates you, just so you can have your revenge with Anders? You'd marry your _friend's_ girl just on a hunch that Anders is in love with her? That's so fucking low, no-"

Sebastian shoved me away before I could finish saying something that might have gotten me slapped again, "In two months time you _will_ be my wife. You can either accept that fact, or you can go into this marriage hating me. Either way, you **will** be mine."

He turned around and left the room. I fell to the ground, and I let out a horrified sob as tears spilt uncontrollably from my eyes. My heart pounded loudly in my chest, my head started to throb uncontrollably, I began to shake like a leaf, and I felt as though my entire world was shattering around me. Every freedom I had was taken from me, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. All of my hope drained out of me, there was no way I was going to marry Sebastian. I'd throw myself from the window before I allowed that to happen. Mercy tried to calm me, but I ignored her. If I didn't have a say in my own life, then I wasn't going to let my spirit tell me how to feel at the moment. I tried to think of something else. _Anything_ else.

I closed my eyes and thought of Fenris, but this only caused me to sob even more. Nothing could make me feel better about what I was going through, not unless it was about me getting the hell away from Starkhaven and Sebastian. Would any of my friends even care if I was forced to marry Sebastian Vael? Would Fenris care? Would any of them come to save me? I had my doubts after my talk with Anders, but I wasn't going to accept the fate that Sebastian had set for me. I was **never** going to accept a marriage to a madman whom I loathed, and I was never going to turn against my friends...my family-not ever.

* * *

My head was pounding like crazy, that must have been because I had passed out crying. The first person I saw was Jody, who was placing new dresses into the wardrobe, and I felt my stomach turn. It hadn't been a nightmare; I was truly being forced to marry Sebastian, he had taken the very choice out of my hands-but I **wasn't** going to do it. How could my life get any worse? My heart felt as though it was stuck in my throat, tears stung my eyes once again, and I forced myself to take deep, shaky breaths to calm down.

"Good morning, Lady Amell," Jody beamed at me. "I've drawn a bath for you, and King Sebastian would like you to join him in his study for something to eat."

I wiped my eyes, "Thank you, Jody. I'll take that bath, but would you please let the king know I _won't_ be joining him today. Events from yesterday have made me too disgusted to eat."

_Careful Kimberly_, Mercy warned.

Jody frowned but nodded, "Of course, Lady Amell."

I stared a the door blankly once Jody walked out. After about twenty minutes, I gave up on watching the door, so I undressed to take my bath. The clean, hot water felt _so_ wonderful on my dirty skin. I actually let myself relax, and as the water started to get cold, I did a small fire spell under the water to heat it up again. Once it was nice and hot like when I had started and I stopped doing the spell, Sebastian came barging into my prison, almost busting me doing magic. I had to hurry to cover the parts of my body I didn't want or need him to see.

"You will join me, **now**!" Sebastian barked angrily at me.

"I'm _not_ hungry, and I'm taking a bath," I kept my eyes on the door, looking past the king I managed to piss off.

"Your bath is over," Sebastian growled.

"I _just_ got in," I lied. "I haven't even washed-"

Sebastian whirled around to face Jody, "Once Lady Amell's bath is done and she is dressed in something suitable, I want you to have Ser Jamison escort her to my chambers so I may have a word with my future queen."

I opened my mouth to argue, but Sebastian was already gone. There was only so long that I could take my bath, and once the water turned cold again, I knew that my bath was over. Jody helped me out of the water, she grabbed a beautiful red dress that complimented my complection, she skillfully fastened the ties, and then she did up my long, copper brown hair so it looked as though I were a princess. I was surprised when Jody did my make-up. In the six months I'd been in Thedas, not once did I wear any make-up. It was clear that Jody had been doing this for a very, very long time, because she had everything completely done in under an hour.

"Ser Jamison," Jody said as she opened the door, "Lady Amell is ready to go see King Sebastian."

"Thank you, Serah Jody," Jamison smiled at the older woman. He gave me a weak smile as he motioned for me to follow him. After I got beside him, he said softly, "Just try to do as the king asks and I'm sure everything will be easier for you."

"That's all?" I frowned at the knight. "I _can't_ marry him. I don't want to marry him. I don't love him..."

"You'll have to tell that to the King, My Lady," Jamison sighed. "I'm just giving you some advice I just thought would help you."

_Listen to him, Kimberly_, Mercy adviced me. _There's no need to fill yourself with hate. If you need me to, I'll help you talk to Anders again._

_No, not Anders_, I thought,_ he didn't seem to care the last time I spoke with him... Fenris, he'll listen to me. Or Hawke._

_Neither are even close to being a mage_, Mercy pointed out. _It could fuck with their minds... did I use that word in the right context?_

_Yes, you did, and I don't care_, I thought angrily. _I know that Hawke will listen to me for sure! She has to! _

I just had to talk to someone, and Hawke seemed the most logical, even above Fenris. Especially since my own mentor and friend blew me off, and he would probably do the same thing. And Merrill, she was very distracting.

"We're here, Lady Amell," Jamison opened the large double doors to Sebastian's room, who wasn't in there at the moment. The knight sighed from behind me, "King Sebastian will be here shortly. I was ordered to wait here with you until he does arrive."

I wasn't surprised that Sebastian had a way larger room than me, and much nicer too, so I went to the window and looked out at the city of Starkhaven. I knew that it was unlikely, but I wondered if Hawke and everyone else were out there somewhere. Probably not, but it _was_ a comforting thought, thought I knew that they were searching for Amelia Amell. Did they find the Hero of Ferelden? Where they in Ferelden? I hoped that they weren't, because that would mean they were on the other side of the Waking Sea.

"You can leave us, Ser Jamison," Sebastian sighed as he came into his room. I heard the door close, and I took a deep breath before I turned around. Sebastian froze, a look of shock covered his face, "You clean up nicely, Lady Amell."

"I am no 'Lady'," I moved closer to the window when I saw the same untrustworthy look in his eyes that had been in Fenris' when he looked at me. "I'm not even close to nobility. My mother never even told me who my father is."

"That's very easy to fix," Sebastian seemed to ignore what I had said. "Not that it matters any, I could care less if you're not a noble."

I wanted to blurt out that I was a mage, but I knew that was a oneway ticket to Tranquility. I quickly looked out the window before I could get myself into any unwanted trouble. I could hear him moving closer to me, so I pleaded in a soft whisper, "Stop, please."

His hand caressed the light scar on my cheak, "What's this from?"

I pulled away from his reach, "A drunk in Tevinter tried to...take advantage of me..."

"He 'tried'?" Sebastian frowned.

"I pulled a dagger on him and slit his throat," I pulled the words from the life my friends had created for me. "He gave me a cut before I did though."

"You're very beautiful," Sebastian's voice was soft as he changed the subject. _The man doens't even know the real me! He would think me an abomination if he knew the truth._ "You do realize I haven't been with a woman in many, many years, don't you?"

I nodded, "Varric told me about your...vows. He told me about you in exchange for a story. I owe him so many stories it's unbelievable."

"Then you know I'm not a bad man," he said gently.

"_Vengance_ can change anybody," I couldn't move any farther away from the king, unless I jumped out the window, so I turned so I didn't have to look at him. "_If_ you were the same man, we wouldn't be having this talk."

"If Hawke would have ended Anders, we wouldn't even be here," Sebastian kept his voice calm. "If you knew me, you'd understand why I'm doing what I've been doing."

"I think it's wrong," I turned around to face him. He was now in my personal space, so I moved into the room and started to back up again, "You're hunting your own friends just so you can have your revenge. You're trying to get me to betray my friends, when I know nothing about where they're at, and I told you that before that I wouldn't tell you if I did know. You believe Anders is in love with me when you have no proff, only a girl who has told you over and over that I am with Fenris."

"That's one reason," Sebastian sighed.

"I don't care what your reasons are, I don't want to marry you," I glared at him.

"If you'd prefer, I _could_ always give you to my men," his voice was calm as he said this.

"No!" escaped my lips as I cringed and shook my head. There was no way I was going to be passed around like some whore, and I suspected that Sebastian knew I'd choose marriage to him over being his royal guards' whore. This made me hate him even more than I already did.

"You'll be seeing me at least once every other day," Sebastian grinned at me, "and I'm sure one day, you _will_ learn to love me."

I **highly** doubted that, and I cringed inwardly as he leaned forward to place a light kiss on my forhead. I wanted to cry again, but I remained strong. I had to find a way into Hawke's dream. I had to let Hawke know that Sebastian wanted to marry me and they had to come save me. I was forced to spend several more hours with Sebastian, holding in how I really felt, knowing that he could do anything he wanted because he was king. By the time I got back to my room, it was late, and I just wanted to sleep.

* * *

It was easy to enter Hawke's dream, she was dreaming about a farm, I was assuming that it was the one in Lothering that the darkspawn had destroyed during the beginning of the Blight in Ferelden. She noticed me almost immediately and frowned, "Kimberly? Andraste's blood, what are you doing here?"

"Mercy said I was a 'Dreamer'," I said quickly. "Please, listen to me. You have to get me out of Starkhaven...your old friend Sebastian is forcing me to marry him in little under two months."

"You're a mage-an apostate_, _a known companion of mine, and as far as every one knows, my cousin," Hawke frowned. "Besides, Sebastian is probably bluffing. He would never-"

"He believes that Anders is in love with me," I sighd. "I told him that it wasn't true, that I'm with Fenris, but he doesn't believe me about Anders. Plus, he doesn't know what I am. Mercy has limited my usage of magic. He's bent on getting his revenge in any form he can get it. Please, I **need** to get the fuck out of here."

"Why would-" Hawke started but shook her head. "Maker help us, Sebastian may be better than we thought. Anders hasn't been acting right for the last week."

"I just found out yesterday, I talked to him last week how I'm talking to you," I frowned. "That motherfucker didn't tell you, did he? Will you help me?"

"Of course, I've actually been gathering some help. Just give us time," Hawke hugged me. "What have you told Sebastian?"

"That my name is Kimberly Amell, the story Isabela came up with for my scar," I sighed, "and that I'm a bastard."

"You told Sebastian that you're a bastard?" Hawke looked amused.

"It didn't discourage him any," I looked up at the strange sky of the Fade and took a deep breath. "It only seemed to encourage him, and he almost caught me using magic..."

"Don't worry, Kimberly," Hawke grinned at me before she vanished.

I smiled and returned to Mercy, "That went better than you thought it would."

"Let's hope they get here before your wedding," Mercy sighed.

"It doesn't matter now, I'm **not** marrying Sebastian," I sighed.

* * *

For the first time in over a month, I woke-up in a pleasent mood, actually ready for the day, and ready to face my soon to be ex-betrothed. Whatever Hawke's plan was, I prayed to God that it was a good one. That was when I realized that they could be _anywhere_ in Thedas, and I still had no idea where they were at.

_Don't worry about it_, Mercy told me. _Trust Hawke and do your part by keeping yourself safe._

The only way to fully do that was to do as Jamison had adviced me yesterday-by doing what King Sebastian asked of me. The thought wasn't comforting, but I knew it was true. Jody came in and helped me get ready for the day, skillfully doing my hair and make-up after chosing out a pale blue dress that had small saphires at the waistline, neckline, and the hems of the skirt and sleeves. She placed small jems into my hair, and I was **sure** she was overdoing it. At least for me she was, though when she was finished, I was in shock when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I could barely recognize myself. As beautiful as I was with jewel-sprinkled ringletts on the top of my head and make-up that made my dark eyes stand out, I tried not to like it.

Once again, I was escorted to Sebastian's chambers by Jamison, where the king was already waiting for me to arrive. I took a seat in the chair beside the window, and then I looked up at Sebastian with a frown because he was gawking at me, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I-" Sebastian cleared his throat and looked away from me. "Where are you from, Lady Amell?"

"Ferelden," I looked out the window.

"Where at in Ferelden?" Sebastian leaned against the wall.

"In a small house fifteen miles south of Lothering...it was completely destroyed during the Blight," I sighed.

"So close to Hawke...did you know her then?" Sebastian asked.

I shook my head, not feeling the least bit guilty lying to the bastard, "I lost _everything_ during the Blight. My mother-" I let my voice break as though the memory was too painful, having been around Isabela and Varric so much, it was easier than I thought, "my sister, and my brothers...all taken from me by the damned darkspawn."

"How did you outrun the Blight?" Sebastian frowned as though he really cared.

"I barely made it to Denerim, after I got there, news came that the horde was heading to the capital, so I snuck onto a ship and hid," I stated, I'd told the story only once before, to Gamlen, but I was greatful that Varric had drilled everything into my head, otherwise I would be stuck.

"And you remained hidded the entire time?" Sebastian asked.

I looked at him, "Why do you want to know all of this? What's your game?"

"My game?" Sebastian shook his head. "I just want to get to know you, Lady Amell."

I looked back out the window and felt a small smile play on my lips as I recalled Isabela's story for me getting out of Ferelden, "The captain discovered me about halfway to Antiva, and because she found me...likeable, Captain Isabela let me stay aboard the Siren's Call. She also taught me how to duel like her."

There was surprise in Sebastian's voice, "Hawke's Isabela?"

I nodded, not looking at him, "Yes, my cousin's Isabela.

Sebastian seemed to think that I was opening up to him by the way he sat across from me on the window ledge, I prayed to God that he believed what I was saying, though I was sure that he did, "And once you reached Antiva?"

"I tried to make a new life for myself," I sighed. "But every other person I saw was a slave, I couldn't handle it, so I spent two years saving up what coin I could til I could leave to Tevinter. I had heard that another Amell was in Tevinter, the Hero of Ferelden, so I made it my mission to track down my cousins..." When Sebastian made no move to interupt my "life" story, I chose to continue, "I got a job working in the market, that was when the man attacked me trying to rob the stall...among other things. It took me a while to realize that I had traded one situation for a more uncomfortable one. I feared becoming a slave, of losing my _freedom_, so I used what coin I had to travel here, to the Free Marches. I found out that there was another Amell who went by the name 'Hawke', so I set out to find her."

"Did you find Hawke in Kirkwall, I don't remember her ever mentioning you," Sebastian frowned.

Now I was winging it, "Maker no." I was sure to use the Thedas term for God. "I discovered that a civil war had started, so I took off. I lost my footing on a cliff six months ago and landed at Anders' feet. He healed me from the edge of death, and then I met Hawke."

"You've only known Hawke for six months?" Sebastian looked confused, he must have thought that I'd been with Hawke and her companions for longer than that.

"That's right," I nodded. "I _only_ got five months with her..." I took a breath and finally looked at the king, "Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

"I know that magic runs in the Amell bloodline," Sebastian stated bluntly, then asked. "Were any of your siblings mages?"

That took me by surprise, but I was relieved that he didn't ask if I was a mage, "My sister, Elena, and three of my brothers, Alaric, Anakin, and Damon. It was hard on our mother, but she couldn't bare to lose so many children to the Circle."

"You sound like you miss them," Sebastian sighed.

I frowned at him, "Of course I miss them. I would do anything to get any one of them back, but like everything else that I've ever cared about, they were taken from me."

"A lot like Hawke," Sebastian placed his hand on mine and offered a small smile, "Thank you for sharing so much with me, Lady Amell. Now, is there anything you'd like to know about me?"

"Why marry someone who could very likely give you children who are mages?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

"Hawke was my friend once," Sebastian stated. "She _is_ my friend, and you're pretty much the last of her family. As soon as my men told me who you were, I wanted to at least keep one Amell close and safe, given the fact that Hawke has a tendency to lose her family. The fact that you _may_ give me children who are mages doesn't bother me, I have no problem with mages, only Anders. I'm giving you the chance to be able to live your life safely and without the threat of the abomination."

I bit down on my tongue, I could tell he was lying about the last bit, though I was unsure about the mage part-there were only two **really** good liars that I knew of, and they were Varric and Isabela. I'd also played enough Wicked Grace and Diamondback with the two of them to tell when a bad liar was lying out of their asses. I forced a smile at Sebastian, but didn't say anything regarding his answer to my question, trying to keep in mind that Hawke wasn't going to let me just rot away in Starkhaven as Sebastian's wife. I spent the rest of the day with Sebastian, up until I could no longer stand the sight of him and came up with an excuse to go back to my room. One would think that he'd have better things to do with his time, given the fact that he was king. By the time I reached my room and got cleaned up, I was sick to my stomach with loathing.

"I'm sorry, Mercy," I breathed out.

_You didn't act upon your hatred_, Mercy stated. _Your anger towards one man **won't** change me._

"I really hope it won't," I sighed.


End file.
